Axis of Evil Wannabees by John Cleese
Tue Apr 15, 2003 3:14 pm
For those of you old enough and/or are fans of John Cleese (Monty Python fame).
Axis of Evil Wannabees
by John Cleese
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name."Right. They are just as evil . . . in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil .. we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An axis can't have more than three countries", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussien. This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has been a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the 'Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable".
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics".
Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
Axis of Evil Wannabees
by John Cleese
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name."Right. They are just as evil . . . in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil .. we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An axis can't have more than three countries", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussien. This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has been a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the 'Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable".
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics".
Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
Tue Apr 15, 2003 3:29 pm
Classic Monty!!!
Very nice!!! There's nothing wrong with the Parrot!!!
Very nice!!! There's nothing wrong with the Parrot!!!
Tue Apr 15, 2003 3:30 pm
while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick".
Looks like it's time to pack up and relocate myself. Those guys have it all figured out. My kind of people.
Looks like it's time to pack up and relocate myself. Those guys have it all figured out. My kind of people.
Tue Apr 15, 2003 3:44 pm
Prior to now, I didn't know you were interested in people.Originally posted by {CN}Doomfarer
while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick".
Looks like it's time to pack up and relocate myself. Those guys have it all figured out. My kind of people.
Tue Apr 15, 2003 3:55 pm
that was pretty good timber, thanks for posting it.
Tue Apr 15, 2003 4:18 pm
"Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable"
Tue Apr 15, 2003 4:55 pm
Originally posted by hightimber
Prior to now, I didn't know you were interested in people.
LOL!
Tue Apr 15, 2003 8:08 pm
LMAO!
Great stuff!
Great stuff!
Fri May 16, 2003 11:40 am
You leave parrots out of this you fucker, they don't concern you. Oh and parading the corpses of my dead compatriots on television is a breach of the Geneva convention. Rest assured my lawyers will be paying Mr Cleese a visit...With baseball bats, teach him to be a lanky bastard.
May the great flamingo of the sky pour blessings down on Cuba for their valiant opposition to American imperialism.
May the great flamingo of the sky pour blessings down on Cuba for their valiant opposition to American imperialism.