Hunk 'a hunk 'a Burnin' love
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- Keekanoo
by Keekanoo » Thu Jul 31, 2003 10:50 pm
The first installment......
Allow me to make some obvious points.
There are many different types of people in the world. For every thickly cologned braggart out there, there is a voluptous heavily painted lady a-waiting his raptorous amore. For every scrawny, pale, nervous geek, there is a neurotic intensely introverted partner. I'm not going to deal with the extremes as, for the most part, they can be controlled--or at least helped--towards a sense of normality.
The old adage 'my better half', or 'my other half' suggests some kind of ultimate soul-mate bonding. In truth, it more represents two dysfunctional people who need to lean on each other in order to form some kind of half-hazard complete whole. If you want someone of quality, you have to be somone of quality. No amount of leering, jeering, salivating and drink-buying will get you (at least more than temporarily) a quality partner if you're a shmuck. There is a kind of gravitational attraction of similar types of people.
With that said, anyone (especially guys--we need the help) can attract someone else if they follow some simple rules.
Allow me to make some obvious points.
There are many different types of people in the world. For every thickly cologned braggart out there, there is a voluptous heavily painted lady a-waiting his raptorous amore. For every scrawny, pale, nervous geek, there is a neurotic intensely introverted partner. I'm not going to deal with the extremes as, for the most part, they can be controlled--or at least helped--towards a sense of normality.
The old adage 'my better half', or 'my other half' suggests some kind of ultimate soul-mate bonding. In truth, it more represents two dysfunctional people who need to lean on each other in order to form some kind of half-hazard complete whole. If you want someone of quality, you have to be somone of quality. No amount of leering, jeering, salivating and drink-buying will get you (at least more than temporarily) a quality partner if you're a shmuck. There is a kind of gravitational attraction of similar types of people.
With that said, anyone (especially guys--we need the help) can attract someone else if they follow some simple rules.
- Rule of Wrist
by Rule of Wrist » Thu Jul 31, 2003 11:15 pm
Originally posted by Keekanoo
If you want someone of quality, you have to be somone of quality. No amount of leering, jeering, salivating and drink-buying will get you (at least more than temporarily) a quality partner if you're a shmuck. There is a kind of gravitational attraction of similar types of people.
Well then, it's official... I'm screwed.
- Conscious*
- Posts: 2702
- Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2003 4:09 pm
by Conscious* » Fri Aug 01, 2003 1:53 am
i cant handle keeks vocabulary its killnig my eyes and my brains at this time in the morning (3am)
- Keekanoo
by Keekanoo » Fri Aug 01, 2003 3:21 pm
Personal dating advice for Mr. Hinrichsen....
Stack your pick-up lines with monosylabic words.
Ensure you have the largest key-chain imaginable. It should loop down to your knees and back up. Keep lots of keys on it, even if they don't do anything. The loud-jangling is the critical part here.
Scruffy base-ball caps skewed at 'dangerous' angles are a must. Make sure they have a tough emblem on them, like Harley-Davidson or Snap-on.
Play-boy 2 karat gold emblem hung from fake, thick, 'gold' chain(s) is vitally important.
Tatoo's of snakes, death-heads, daggers and the like are the height of thug fashion. They should be large and very noticeable regardless of what you're wearing.
Practice deadening facial features and, if possible, develop a permenant sneer which reveals one or both canines.
Slouch. Never walk with purpose. Slouch-walking, preferably with feigned wound, is not easy to pull off. Practice in front of a mirror to develop a sinister air in your gait. Skewed baseball cap, canine-revealing sneer, and hasty glances to the side with eyes squinted will help.
When talking, loudly, on street-corners, ensure to pull your hand from your pocket and emphasise your words as if you are holding a hand-gun. Hold the pretend-gun 'gangster' style (ie, on the flat rather than held up-right). Never ever hold the pretend gun up-right. This is the mark of a Cop, or anyone who's ever actually fired one and decided not breaking their thumb-joints is important. Gangsta's, being tough and not caring about such trivial things as gun-induced hand-sprains, wouldn't ever deign to shoot it professionally.
Make frequent references to buying a 6 or 12 pack of whatever common-swill is popular. Budweiser or Pabst, for example. NEVER say you're going to get a six of Heinequin or a good import.
Open beer-bottles with your teeth, regardless of whether it's a screw-cap or not. If your teeth are chipped down to nothing, use a lighter. And not one of those dollar-store criquet lighters. Use your zippo (with emblem of snake) or at the least, a Bic lighter.
Begin all sentences with 'Sup' or 'Yo'.
Always wear sneakers.
Never tie shoe-laces.
Look up on the net all the latest variations of the 'I had sex with your mother' jokes. If you are ever at a loss in a conversation, immediately refer to one of these jokes.
I hope that helps, Paul.
Stack your pick-up lines with monosylabic words.
Ensure you have the largest key-chain imaginable. It should loop down to your knees and back up. Keep lots of keys on it, even if they don't do anything. The loud-jangling is the critical part here.
Scruffy base-ball caps skewed at 'dangerous' angles are a must. Make sure they have a tough emblem on them, like Harley-Davidson or Snap-on.
Play-boy 2 karat gold emblem hung from fake, thick, 'gold' chain(s) is vitally important.
Tatoo's of snakes, death-heads, daggers and the like are the height of thug fashion. They should be large and very noticeable regardless of what you're wearing.
Practice deadening facial features and, if possible, develop a permenant sneer which reveals one or both canines.
Slouch. Never walk with purpose. Slouch-walking, preferably with feigned wound, is not easy to pull off. Practice in front of a mirror to develop a sinister air in your gait. Skewed baseball cap, canine-revealing sneer, and hasty glances to the side with eyes squinted will help.
When talking, loudly, on street-corners, ensure to pull your hand from your pocket and emphasise your words as if you are holding a hand-gun. Hold the pretend-gun 'gangster' style (ie, on the flat rather than held up-right). Never ever hold the pretend gun up-right. This is the mark of a Cop, or anyone who's ever actually fired one and decided not breaking their thumb-joints is important. Gangsta's, being tough and not caring about such trivial things as gun-induced hand-sprains, wouldn't ever deign to shoot it professionally.
Make frequent references to buying a 6 or 12 pack of whatever common-swill is popular. Budweiser or Pabst, for example. NEVER say you're going to get a six of Heinequin or a good import.
Open beer-bottles with your teeth, regardless of whether it's a screw-cap or not. If your teeth are chipped down to nothing, use a lighter. And not one of those dollar-store criquet lighters. Use your zippo (with emblem of snake) or at the least, a Bic lighter.
Begin all sentences with 'Sup' or 'Yo'.
Always wear sneakers.
Never tie shoe-laces.
Look up on the net all the latest variations of the 'I had sex with your mother' jokes. If you are ever at a loss in a conversation, immediately refer to one of these jokes.
I hope that helps, Paul.
- onlyhere4savage
by onlyhere4savage » Sat Aug 02, 2003 9:48 am
The Rules of Attraction (from a female's point of view):
1. Guys, your chance of getting laid dramatically increases with the application of the big "O" or the big "L". I know its a joke from movies and such, but it exists as a joke because it works. Female consciences are easily broken with "Love" or an "Orgasm".
2. Girls, wear something skimpy and outrageous. Even though guys insist they are more attracted to a girl's "soul" or "mind", the penis-view takes over that garbage instantly. Hooch it up.
3. Guys, dont wear cartoon clothes. Shirts that say "Da man" with an arrow pointing up to the head, or "Its not a beer gut, its a fuel tank for a SEX MACHINE" only draw attention to insecurities.
4. From my humble experience, I would NOT recommend getting it on in a field. Though you may not feel the wood-grass and thick weeds at the brink of extasy, you certainly will the following morning. The scratches and marks will have your friends wondering about some bizzare stigmata occuring. Skip the field.
5. Guys, nipples are part of the breast. Dont treat them like station dials trying to find a signal in a mountanous range.
-me
1. Guys, your chance of getting laid dramatically increases with the application of the big "O" or the big "L". I know its a joke from movies and such, but it exists as a joke because it works. Female consciences are easily broken with "Love" or an "Orgasm".
2. Girls, wear something skimpy and outrageous. Even though guys insist they are more attracted to a girl's "soul" or "mind", the penis-view takes over that garbage instantly. Hooch it up.
3. Guys, dont wear cartoon clothes. Shirts that say "Da man" with an arrow pointing up to the head, or "Its not a beer gut, its a fuel tank for a SEX MACHINE" only draw attention to insecurities.
4. From my humble experience, I would NOT recommend getting it on in a field. Though you may not feel the wood-grass and thick weeds at the brink of extasy, you certainly will the following morning. The scratches and marks will have your friends wondering about some bizzare stigmata occuring. Skip the field.
5. Guys, nipples are part of the breast. Dont treat them like station dials trying to find a signal in a mountanous range.
-me
by ShipWreck » Sat Aug 02, 2003 10:49 am
i just pick up girls standing on corner.. dont know why they are there. they ask if i want a good time, i say sure, give em 100 bucks and never see em again 
- Keekanoo
by Keekanoo » Sat Aug 02, 2003 1:00 pm
"Hooch it up"..... I dunno 'bout that one.
I surveyed the website 'Am I hot or not' and was not surprised to see that all these tarty girls who looked like Barbie meets Heroin repeatedly got absurdly high scores. A lot of guys seem to like the "I might dress like a hooker but really I want a stable committed relationship" type.
I'm just an average guy. There's a lot of average guys out there. I, and probably the majority of the average guys, know to stear away from the Vogue look. Why? For one, it's high-maintanance. Someone who is that self-absorbed with how they look is bound to be either pretty damned judgmental or a neurotic insecure mess. Either way, being an average guy, having someone like that around on a full-time basis is going to be a serious cramp to style. Two, the more people focus on their outter appearance, the less they focus on their inner self. I've dated some attractive women who spend a lot of time looking good. I might just as well have carried around a card-board penthouse cut-out. Unless you keep up on tabloids and the who's who of hair-dressers, conversations quickly devolve into stories about the past.
I dunno 'bout any of the other guys out here, but I'm very reluctant to use the 'L' word. I fall in infatuation all the time. 'Love' has this forboding permenance about it which belongs more in the domain of fortune tellers and mystics, not average people who change day to day.
As for orgasms. Oy-vay. Men in that department are like a rock thrown over a cliff. You KNOW it will hit bottom. Women are more like tossing a bird over the same cliff. It MAY land, eventually, but it may not. It could just soar around for a long time, swoop to the ground, but then come right back up to perch on the cliff again. Sometimes, after a particularly grueling assault, I feel more like Tom Hanks looks in Castaway. Women should come with an Orgamo Meter. It should have on it various readings like "Keep up the good work your almost there" or "Not today on your life buddy, she's thinking about the grocery list" or "Pretend your someone else--anyone, just not you" or "Increase speed 23% and drift to the left" or "You should have gotten your buddy to call you at a specific time. Idiot."
I surveyed the website 'Am I hot or not' and was not surprised to see that all these tarty girls who looked like Barbie meets Heroin repeatedly got absurdly high scores. A lot of guys seem to like the "I might dress like a hooker but really I want a stable committed relationship" type.
I'm just an average guy. There's a lot of average guys out there. I, and probably the majority of the average guys, know to stear away from the Vogue look. Why? For one, it's high-maintanance. Someone who is that self-absorbed with how they look is bound to be either pretty damned judgmental or a neurotic insecure mess. Either way, being an average guy, having someone like that around on a full-time basis is going to be a serious cramp to style. Two, the more people focus on their outter appearance, the less they focus on their inner self. I've dated some attractive women who spend a lot of time looking good. I might just as well have carried around a card-board penthouse cut-out. Unless you keep up on tabloids and the who's who of hair-dressers, conversations quickly devolve into stories about the past.
I dunno 'bout any of the other guys out here, but I'm very reluctant to use the 'L' word. I fall in infatuation all the time. 'Love' has this forboding permenance about it which belongs more in the domain of fortune tellers and mystics, not average people who change day to day.
As for orgasms. Oy-vay. Men in that department are like a rock thrown over a cliff. You KNOW it will hit bottom. Women are more like tossing a bird over the same cliff. It MAY land, eventually, but it may not. It could just soar around for a long time, swoop to the ground, but then come right back up to perch on the cliff again. Sometimes, after a particularly grueling assault, I feel more like Tom Hanks looks in Castaway. Women should come with an Orgamo Meter. It should have on it various readings like "Keep up the good work your almost there" or "Not today on your life buddy, she's thinking about the grocery list" or "Pretend your someone else--anyone, just not you" or "Increase speed 23% and drift to the left" or "You should have gotten your buddy to call you at a specific time. Idiot."
by Face » Sat Aug 02, 2003 2:29 pm
OKAY, here is the deal.
If you are just looking to have some "fun" with a woman, approach her that way. I am not saying to be crude or too overt, but you can just honestly say, "I am looking for someone to have fun with." If you are up front about that, they won't make wrong assumptions one way or the other.
Now, if you want a relationship, like Stephanie said, be yourself. Being yourself is the only thing to do with someone you want to see every day or even live with.
If you are just looking to have some "fun" with a woman, approach her that way. I am not saying to be crude or too overt, but you can just honestly say, "I am looking for someone to have fun with." If you are up front about that, they won't make wrong assumptions one way or the other.
Now, if you want a relationship, like Stephanie said, be yourself. Being yourself is the only thing to do with someone you want to see every day or even live with.
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- Oxygen
by Oxygen » Sun Aug 03, 2003 3:47 am
After a little thought here are a few things that I came up with. Remember these are from my point of view. Though I think that most women would agree with me.
The first thing that a male could do to set himself from the rest of the pack is being respectful. To me respect is a very important thing to have between two people whether they are just friends or more than friends. I have a hard time being around people that I do not respect or do not respect me.
Chivalry and politeness, these two ideas are close enough to be dicussed together. For me personally a guy will score brownie points if he is very polite and gentleman-like. Please guys, open doors, say please and thank you. Little things like that will go a long way.
Now for me anyway I like self-confidence. May people mistaken this for cockiness but that all depends on how far a person takes it. Please do not put yourself down. That does not mean do not admit to your flaws but I do not want to here about how much of a loser you are. How you won't amount to nothing and so on. I believe that if you tell a person all these negative things about yourself what makes you think that they won't start to believe it?
That's all I can think of for now. I might not speak for every women but I think that the majority will back me on this.
The first thing that a male could do to set himself from the rest of the pack is being respectful. To me respect is a very important thing to have between two people whether they are just friends or more than friends. I have a hard time being around people that I do not respect or do not respect me.
Chivalry and politeness, these two ideas are close enough to be dicussed together. For me personally a guy will score brownie points if he is very polite and gentleman-like. Please guys, open doors, say please and thank you. Little things like that will go a long way.
Now for me anyway I like self-confidence. May people mistaken this for cockiness but that all depends on how far a person takes it. Please do not put yourself down. That does not mean do not admit to your flaws but I do not want to here about how much of a loser you are. How you won't amount to nothing and so on. I believe that if you tell a person all these negative things about yourself what makes you think that they won't start to believe it?
That's all I can think of for now. I might not speak for every women but I think that the majority will back me on this.
by S.S. N » Sun Aug 03, 2003 6:21 am
A longstanding debate centers on how to get a girl in high demand to start taking you seriously. by high demand i mean that 40 different guys have skil-saw blades attached to their femurs and at the ready as we speak, committed to cutting a leg off if it only it would get the time of day from said girl. at least every town has two or three of these girls; i affectionately refer to them as white whales.
there are two schools of thought on your approach, and both have their fair share of pride swallowing and deceit (self-deceit, or otherwise).
you can basically take the faux road, which is the morally superior , "if she cant figure out that im the guy she should be making out with instead, fuck it and fuck her its just not meant to be." but youll quickly start to form mental callouses as a defense mechanism against unrealized hopes, and pretty soon the very sight of her will bring up all sorts of negative associations and self wrought attempts at her character assassination: shes not cool/good/smart/hot enough to be with me anyways, the whore.
the low road is usually the one that enjoys the most success, but which requires a healthy dose of enforced delusion and play acting on your part. this is the road that leads to the gates of the detached asshole, Mr. i know you think youre hot, but i could give a flying fuck. my experience and the exp of many of my friends, always points to the basic law of averages where, for whatever reason, these white whales invariably end up with guys that treat them like shit. or worse yet pay them no attention at all. i dont know why exactly, but i have some pretty good theories.
white whales are terribly cognizant of the fact that every guy wants to fuck them. a quick look around the bar and she can detect 100 different pairs of eyes fixed on her with a furtive and wanton glance at any given time. in short, shes used to getting alot of attention paid to her, and she knows she has the pick of the dating pool litter. its not her fault; gene pool gambling dealt her a natural 21, and shes far too cool and good looking for us mere mortals. so she ascends the ranks of every seemingly apt suitor in town, from the local tortured poet to the emotionally engaging rock star to the charismatic every nights a party dashing drunk. these guys pay her a lot of attention, and get their due back in spades by way of the honor of dating her or whatever. she tires of them quickly; theyre a dime a dozen, dirty socks in the laundry basket of her ever leanghtening romantic rap sheet.
but every white whale has a story thats either yet untold, or has yet to unfold. and thats the story of the guy who (while seeming together, intelligent, nominally handsome, funny, whatever), short of the social perfunctories, just never pays her the mind shes used to. this is the guy that she will seemingly pine over, and ultimately the one that can break her heart. hes nice but slightly dismissive of her. he talks about cool stuff coming up on the social calendar, fun things he looks forward to doing, but never intimates even the slightest reference of her being painted in this picture.
the second road leads to becoming this guy. and while not every guy can do it without breaking down at some point and drunkenly admitting their ulterior motives, the one that can walk that fine line of play acting always seems to end up with the white whale in the end, against all odds. your very cool detachment plays on her insecurities. thoughts of why doesnt this guy drool all over my messenger bag like every other chump in town? starts to work on her insides like a cancer. and while youre playing cool, not avoiding her per se, but not doting over her like a lonely lapdog, shes slowly developing a fascination for you which just might turn into something extracurricular, or heaven forfend, even ::gasp:: physical. wether or not you decide to drop your defenses at some point in the relationship and become a little more open and attentive is your call. its ultimately a question of your own personal morals, i suppose.
which begs the question anyways, assuming as we are that youve already all but baited a trap of deceit and waited for her to fall for it in the first place. is this approach tantamount to lying? yeah probably, and its fucked you had to resort to it in the first place. but desperate times sometimes call for desperate measures, i suppose. and whats the lesser of two evils. coming off like and idiot for running in her shadow every chance you get, and kicking yourself when the white whale finally just blows you off? or using a bit of reverse psychology as a foot in the door to the palace of amorous bliss? your call.
im neglecting a third road, which is the road of just being yourself, and waiting for a girl to come along that actually likes you for who you are on your own terms, and weathering the storm of terminal loniless in the meantime. but that roads overgrown from neglect, because its the hardest one to travel. seeing somebody you want with someone else is like glass churning in the gut. playing the stoic card and getting over it takes a steely command of character thats just too hard to conjure up sometimes.
nice guys always finish last. and if terms of honesty and good intentions were all that were nescessary for two people to find each other, id venture to guess that the whole world would be happily coupled right now. i wish you the best of luck in whatever route you choose to take. i have been up all night, its 7am. maybe its relevant. im goin to sleep now.
there are two schools of thought on your approach, and both have their fair share of pride swallowing and deceit (self-deceit, or otherwise).
you can basically take the faux road, which is the morally superior , "if she cant figure out that im the guy she should be making out with instead, fuck it and fuck her its just not meant to be." but youll quickly start to form mental callouses as a defense mechanism against unrealized hopes, and pretty soon the very sight of her will bring up all sorts of negative associations and self wrought attempts at her character assassination: shes not cool/good/smart/hot enough to be with me anyways, the whore.
the low road is usually the one that enjoys the most success, but which requires a healthy dose of enforced delusion and play acting on your part. this is the road that leads to the gates of the detached asshole, Mr. i know you think youre hot, but i could give a flying fuck. my experience and the exp of many of my friends, always points to the basic law of averages where, for whatever reason, these white whales invariably end up with guys that treat them like shit. or worse yet pay them no attention at all. i dont know why exactly, but i have some pretty good theories.
white whales are terribly cognizant of the fact that every guy wants to fuck them. a quick look around the bar and she can detect 100 different pairs of eyes fixed on her with a furtive and wanton glance at any given time. in short, shes used to getting alot of attention paid to her, and she knows she has the pick of the dating pool litter. its not her fault; gene pool gambling dealt her a natural 21, and shes far too cool and good looking for us mere mortals. so she ascends the ranks of every seemingly apt suitor in town, from the local tortured poet to the emotionally engaging rock star to the charismatic every nights a party dashing drunk. these guys pay her a lot of attention, and get their due back in spades by way of the honor of dating her or whatever. she tires of them quickly; theyre a dime a dozen, dirty socks in the laundry basket of her ever leanghtening romantic rap sheet.
but every white whale has a story thats either yet untold, or has yet to unfold. and thats the story of the guy who (while seeming together, intelligent, nominally handsome, funny, whatever), short of the social perfunctories, just never pays her the mind shes used to. this is the guy that she will seemingly pine over, and ultimately the one that can break her heart. hes nice but slightly dismissive of her. he talks about cool stuff coming up on the social calendar, fun things he looks forward to doing, but never intimates even the slightest reference of her being painted in this picture.
the second road leads to becoming this guy. and while not every guy can do it without breaking down at some point and drunkenly admitting their ulterior motives, the one that can walk that fine line of play acting always seems to end up with the white whale in the end, against all odds. your very cool detachment plays on her insecurities. thoughts of why doesnt this guy drool all over my messenger bag like every other chump in town? starts to work on her insides like a cancer. and while youre playing cool, not avoiding her per se, but not doting over her like a lonely lapdog, shes slowly developing a fascination for you which just might turn into something extracurricular, or heaven forfend, even ::gasp:: physical. wether or not you decide to drop your defenses at some point in the relationship and become a little more open and attentive is your call. its ultimately a question of your own personal morals, i suppose.
which begs the question anyways, assuming as we are that youve already all but baited a trap of deceit and waited for her to fall for it in the first place. is this approach tantamount to lying? yeah probably, and its fucked you had to resort to it in the first place. but desperate times sometimes call for desperate measures, i suppose. and whats the lesser of two evils. coming off like and idiot for running in her shadow every chance you get, and kicking yourself when the white whale finally just blows you off? or using a bit of reverse psychology as a foot in the door to the palace of amorous bliss? your call.
im neglecting a third road, which is the road of just being yourself, and waiting for a girl to come along that actually likes you for who you are on your own terms, and weathering the storm of terminal loniless in the meantime. but that roads overgrown from neglect, because its the hardest one to travel. seeing somebody you want with someone else is like glass churning in the gut. playing the stoic card and getting over it takes a steely command of character thats just too hard to conjure up sometimes.
nice guys always finish last. and if terms of honesty and good intentions were all that were nescessary for two people to find each other, id venture to guess that the whole world would be happily coupled right now. i wish you the best of luck in whatever route you choose to take. i have been up all night, its 7am. maybe its relevant. im goin to sleep now.
S.S. N
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