Wed Oct 25, 2006 1:23 pm
A dentist noticed that his next patient, an elderly lady, was looking very nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves
Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
"No, I don't" she replied.
"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex. Workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."
She didn't crack a smile.
"Oh well, I tried," he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
She said, "I was just picturing how condoms are made!"
Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!
Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
"No, I don't" she replied.
"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in China with a big tank of latex. Workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."
She didn't crack a smile.
"Oh well, I tried," he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the dental procedure, she burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
She said, "I was just picturing how condoms are made!"
Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!
Thu Oct 26, 2006 9:49 am
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.
The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."
Mujibar said, "I am ready"
The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready"
The manager said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, ”The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems.
No doubt you have spoken to him. I have.
The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."
Mujibar said, "I am ready"
The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready"
The manager said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, ”The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems.
No doubt you have spoken to him. I have.
Thu Oct 26, 2006 6:05 pm
clever
Fri Oct 27, 2006 4:30 pm
Scientists have predicted that in 100,000 years their would be 2 types of humans, one will be really tall, with long skinny limbs. The other will be really short and goblin like. But they should still be able to play up front England.
(Yes, this joke is probably wasted on most of you though)
(Yes, this joke is probably wasted on most of you though)
Sat Oct 28, 2006 9:04 am
Originally posted by dugosapien
?? It's not a political comment... it's just difficult to say while drunk.. says the gent who lives in 'British Columbia' ...and that can be diffucult to say while drunk also...
Try having a conversation that involves the word 'myth' frequently. When you're drunk, you consciously try to avoid slurring your words, but saying the word 'myth' sounds like a horrendous slurring/lisp of the word 'miss'. Say 'myth' or better yet, 'mythbusters' four times in a row, and you'll see what I mean, your brain starts to rebel against it.
Sat Oct 28, 2006 9:05 am
Originally posted by Alofwar
Scientists have predicted that in 100,000 years their would be 2 types of humans, one will be really tall, with long skinny limbs. The other will be really short and goblin like. But they should still be able to play up front England.
(Yes, this joke is probably wasted on most of you though)
I do love these British jokes that make no sense to me. Reminds me of being a kid and not understanding the grown-ups dirty jokes.
Sat Oct 28, 2006 12:08 pm
Just take a look at the the England Football teams 2 main strikers, Crouch and Rooney and you'll see what i mean
Sat Oct 28, 2006 11:14 pm
haha awesome Al! that is a great joke. Crouch is a fricken' goon!
Crouch is a fricken' goon!
Tue Oct 31, 2006 6:03 pm
Have you seen that advert on TV? The one with all the celebraties clickingn thier fingers every 3 seconds and saying, whenever they click their fingers, a child in Africa dies?
You can't help but think, STOP CLICKING YOUR FINGERS!!!
You can't help but think, STOP CLICKING YOUR FINGERS!!!
Tue Oct 31, 2006 6:18 pm
Originally posted by Alofwar
Have you seen that advert on TV? The one with all the celebraties clickingn thier fingers every 3 seconds and saying, whenever they click their fingers, a child in Africa dies?
You can't help but think, STOP CLICKING YOUR FINGERS!!!
Just like that commercial that says every 3 minutes a woman in America is beaten by her spouse. I thought "shit, that lady should really leave that guy! Every 3 minutes??? That guy needs anger management classes in a big way!"
Tue Oct 31, 2006 9:16 pm
snap snap snap....
Wed Nov 15, 2006 1:06 pm
THANKSGIVING DIVORCE
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to
ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing;
forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about," the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer" the old man says. "We'
are sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you
call your sister in Chicago and tell her." And he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like heck they're getting a divorce, she shouts. I'll take care of this."
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT
getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my
brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then don't do a thing, DO
YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone, smiles and turns to his wife. "They're
coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to
ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing;
forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about," the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer" the old man says. "We'
are sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you
call your sister in Chicago and tell her." And he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like heck they're getting a divorce, she shouts. I'll take care of this."
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT
getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my
brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then don't do a thing, DO
YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone, smiles and turns to his wife. "They're
coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
Wed Nov 15, 2006 2:25 pm
I like that one....
Wed Nov 15, 2006 7:43 pm
Originally posted by dugosapien
:rotflmao:
I like that one....
same here
Wed Nov 15, 2006 9:41 pm
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
Oh, Bill, you didn't" she exclaimed.
Yes, I did." he replied.
My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
Oh...she got fired too."
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
Oh, Bill, you didn't" she exclaimed.
Yes, I did." he replied.
My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
Oh...she got fired too."