Mort's joke of the week

by **Sabres** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 8:36 pm

haha yeah nice joke

by **Ldsmith104** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 9:38 pm

Please check out the following post...like Alofwar I'll cut you some slack, I once was a recruit too...

http://forums.powervs.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=19621

by **Chacal** » Sat Dec 02, 2006 2:40 am

I'll just merge it with the other thread.

by **Alofwar** » Sat Dec 02, 2006 4:00 am

Well, i like all the jokes in 1 place so i don't haven to ssearch for a hundred different threads when i want to tread or post one. Its just common sense.

by **gowhitesox99** » Sat Dec 02, 2006 4:12 am

nice merge Dark Lord........

by **Chacal** » Sat Dec 02, 2006 11:13 am

The thread came to the Dark Side easily.

by **jenky33** » Wed Dec 13, 2006 9:14 pm

Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man While lifting weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting In line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24:The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!

by **Alofwar** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 7:53 pm

In the long grass of Africa there is lives a tribe of pygmees called the Fuckarewe tribe, we know they are called this, because they jump up and down in the long grass yelling "Were the fuckarewe, were the fuckarewe"

20% of Scots drink because...... They run out of Herorin.

by **gowhitesox99** » Sat Jan 06, 2007 1:22 pm

I attended a party this past weekend.

After checking out all the well-dressed guests at the party, I spotted an attractive woman (standing alone) across the room. When I approached and asked her name, She coyly replied... "Carmen."

Trying to maintain some sort of conversation with her, I responded with "That's a beautiful name, Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself, because it reflects the things I like most in the world - cars and men."

Then she asked, "What's your name?"

"Golfboobs," I replied.

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said. "Did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep, the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5.00 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yes, he sure did, " chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

by **Sabres** » Sat Jan 06, 2007 3:44 pm

hahaha

How did the woman respond when you said "Golfboobs"?

by **Alofwar** » Sat Jan 06, 2007 5:52 pm

A bus full of Chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one Chav asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" - The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said,
"Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."

by **gowhitesox99** » Mon Jan 08, 2007 9:06 pm

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was
attracted to him, and during her questions about his
life, she asked him how he had sex?

"Tarzan not know sex" he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said "Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of
tree."

Horrified Jane said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong,
but I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.
"Here" she said, pointing to her privates, "you must
put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his
considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked
her in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an
eternity.

Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed
"What did you do that for?"
Tarzan replied, "check for squirrel."

by **gowhitesox99** » Tue Jan 16, 2007 11:19 pm

It was a sunny morning, a little before 8.00 AM, on the first hole of a busy Golf course, and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the club house loud speaker, "Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!"

I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.

Again the announcement, "Would the man on the woman's tee kindly back up to the men's tee."

I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, When once more, the Man yelled, "Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee, please!"

I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back.

"Would the asshole with the microphone kindly keep quiet and let me play my second shot!"

by **jenky33** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 4:23 pm

Don't laugh!" said the patient, Ed.

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again.

Now...what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Ed replied.

by **Sabres** » Thu Jan 25, 2007 6:21 pm

SUCKS!

Mort's joke of the week

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