Sun Feb 18, 2007 2:04 pm
awesome jenky 
Wed Feb 21, 2007 11:29 am
A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated
conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her
attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the
following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
The lady can't take this any more,
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,"
she retorted indignantly.
"In this country. we don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex
lives.
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin'abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell
'Mississippi'."
$5.00 says you're gonna read this again!
conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her
attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the
following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! .
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
The lady can't take this any more,
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,"
she retorted indignantly.
"In this country. we don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex
lives.
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin'abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell
'Mississippi'."
$5.00 says you're gonna read this again!
Wed Feb 21, 2007 11:43 am
$5.00 says you're gonna read this again!
*Gives Smith $5.00*
Wed Feb 21, 2007 1:28 pm
make that $10
Thu Feb 22, 2007 8:41 pm
not really a joke but more of a disturbing poem i found
Come live with me, and be my love,
And we will some new pleasures prove
Of golden sands, and crystal brooks,
With silken lines, and silver hooks
And handcuffs, and a leather hood
(With a zipper for ingesting food).
And I shall call you "Gimp," dear friend,
And never let you out again.
Come live with me, and be my love,
And we will some new pleasures prove
Of golden sands, and crystal brooks,
With silken lines, and silver hooks
And handcuffs, and a leather hood
(With a zipper for ingesting food).
And I shall call you "Gimp," dear friend,
And never let you out again.
Thu Feb 22, 2007 11:59 pm
A picture's worth a thousand words. Hopefully not a repost:
Fri Feb 23, 2007 1:39 pm
I think that's like a quadruple repost. But no hard feelings... 
Fri Feb 23, 2007 5:19 pm
Re: Mort's joke of the week
Mon Mar 05, 2007 6:02 pm
"The Wingman's Ballad"
I thought tonight I'd meet a lady
I thought I'd bring her home
I thought we'd spend the night together
but instead I sleep alone
My buddy Steve had seen her first
I had no plans to interfere
They hit it off and left together
and left me with my beer
Don't read me wrong, I'm not upset
I'm proud, but to that end
I've done what any pal would do
I hit on her fat friend
You see them at every night club
and she's there at every bar
When a hot girl wants to get shit-faced
She'll ride in her fat friend's car
This out-of-shape protector,
armed with sarcastic quips,
is there to cock block any man
when she should really block her lips
So I told her I loved cookies,
said she looked like Bridget Jones
She let down her guard and smiled
and passed a plate of chicken bones
"Ahh, free wings! How I've forgotten!
They can't resist free snacks!"
I wondered if she ever has,
as I rubbed her chubby back
"Is that popcorn over there,
in that basket on the bar?"
And before I finished "basket"
The hot girl was in Steve's car
No, we never exchanged numbers
but I was sure we'd meet again
If not this girl, there'd be another
another hot girl's fat friend
I thought tonight I'd meet a lady
I thought I'd bring her home
I thought we'd spend the night together
but instead I sleep alone
My buddy Steve had seen her first
I had no plans to interfere
They hit it off and left together
and left me with my beer
Don't read me wrong, I'm not upset
I'm proud, but to that end
I've done what any pal would do
I hit on her fat friend
You see them at every night club
and she's there at every bar
When a hot girl wants to get shit-faced
She'll ride in her fat friend's car
This out-of-shape protector,
armed with sarcastic quips,
is there to cock block any man
when she should really block her lips
So I told her I loved cookies,
said she looked like Bridget Jones
She let down her guard and smiled
and passed a plate of chicken bones
"Ahh, free wings! How I've forgotten!
They can't resist free snacks!"
I wondered if she ever has,
as I rubbed her chubby back
"Is that popcorn over there,
in that basket on the bar?"
And before I finished "basket"
The hot girl was in Steve's car
No, we never exchanged numbers
but I was sure we'd meet again
If not this girl, there'd be another
another hot girl's fat friend
Re: Mort's joke of the week
Mon Mar 05, 2007 6:55 pm
Re: Mort's joke of the week
Thu Mar 15, 2007 4:22 pm
[SIZE="7"]The third man in history to walk on water...[/SIZE]
The 1st one was Christ...
The 2nd one was Peter (the apostle)...
Then there was this guy .......Jose
The 1st one was Christ...
The 2nd one was Peter (the apostle)...
Then there was this guy .......Jose
Re: Mort's joke of the week
Thu Mar 15, 2007 5:18 pm
OMG!! Look at the concentration between the two!
Re: Mort's joke of the week
Mon Mar 19, 2007 7:06 pm
On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers.
He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight..
Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob."
All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"
He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight..
Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob."
All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"
Re: Mort's joke of the week
Mon Mar 19, 2007 7:07 pm
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the civilian work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the civilian work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.
Re: Mort's joke of the week
Mon Mar 19, 2007 9:55 pm
I'm saving that last one Jenky....