Favorite Jokes
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Favorite Jokes
by Sabres » Tue Jul 06, 2004 1:00 am
I just thought I would start a thread where everyone can post their favorite jokes and we can all have a good laugh. 
(I hope this is not a reapeat thread.)
I will start:
A guy was walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?" "Are you nuts?" she replies and walks away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again. "Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts... just once for $10,000?" So the woman thinks about this for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000?" She thinks a bit "OK, but just once, and not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go to the alley and she takes off... her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as the guy sees them, he jumps on them and starts caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, burying his face in them... but not biting them. Finally, the woman gets all annoyed and says, "Are you gonna bite them or what?" "Nah," he replies. "Costs too much!"
(I hope this is not a reapeat thread.)
I will start:
A guy was walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?" "Are you nuts?" she replies and walks away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again. "Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts... just once for $10,000?" So the woman thinks about this for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000?" She thinks a bit "OK, but just once, and not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go to the alley and she takes off... her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as the guy sees them, he jumps on them and starts caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, burying his face in them... but not biting them. Finally, the woman gets all annoyed and says, "Are you gonna bite them or what?" "Nah," he replies. "Costs too much!"
by SHWoff » Wed Jul 07, 2004 12:03 am
John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
(OK. So it's not my favorite...just seemed really funny after reading the Smoking Room for awhile...)
(OK. So it's not my favorite...just seemed really funny after reading the Smoking Room for awhile...)
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll sit in the boat and drink beer all day...
- Conscious*
- Posts: 2702
- Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2003 4:09 pm
by Conscious* » Wed Jul 07, 2004 12:47 am
Originally posted by SHWoff
John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
(OK. So it's not my favorite...just seemed really funny after reading the Smoking Room for awhile...)
by Sabres » Wed Jul 07, 2004 10:13 am
Here's another...
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable. The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable. The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
by ShipWreck » Wed Jul 07, 2004 10:44 am
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story...
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
The moral of the story...
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
- Gurn Blanston
- Posts: 19
- Joined: Tue May 20, 2003 3:21 pm
- Location: Prosperity, SC
by Gurn Blanston » Fri Jul 09, 2004 1:00 pm
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One of them looks to the other and asks,”Does this taste funny to you?”
- Gurn
- Gurn
Nothing to see here...
- cavalierlwt
-
- Posts: 2840
- Joined: Thu Feb 13, 2003 12:54 pm
by cavalierlwt » Sun Jul 11, 2004 11:19 pm
my favorite bad joke:
What's Irish and sit's outside all summer long?
Patty O' Furniture.
What's Irish and sit's outside all summer long?
Patty O' Furniture.
Failing to plead
with a throat full of dust
Life falls asleep
in a fetal position.
with a throat full of dust
Life falls asleep
in a fetal position.
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