How to treat a lady
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- gowhitesox99
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How to treat a lady
by gowhitesox99 » Tue Jun 06, 2006 12:56 pm
#9 is my favorite... damn that is funny
1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes and girls love that.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)
3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say you better be. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement and every girl needs some improvement.
6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies.
7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "**** you" and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.
8. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.
9. Warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... Then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.
10. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.
11. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?
12. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.
13. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy.
14. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.
15. Titty twisters and plenty of them.
16. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.
17. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
18. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.
19. If shes mad at you for not calling her when you say you will promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now shell be really excited. Now don't call.
20. Next time you are having sex, make sure you get off before she does, then get off her and leave. Girls love that.
1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes and girls love that.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)
3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say you better be. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement and every girl needs some improvement.
6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies.
7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "**** you" and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.
8. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.
9. Warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... Then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.
10. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.
11. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?
12. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.
13. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy.
14. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.
15. Titty twisters and plenty of them.
16. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.
17. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
18. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.
19. If shes mad at you for not calling her when you say you will promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now shell be really excited. Now don't call.
20. Next time you are having sex, make sure you get off before she does, then get off her and leave. Girls love that.
Weasel!!
;
;
by Alofwar » Tue Jun 06, 2006 1:31 pm
Good luck with that whitesox, im sure your be a huge success.
Is its real title 20 ways to lose a girl?
Is its real title 20 ways to lose a girl?
"Don't mention the war"
German Tourist: Will you stop mentioning the war
Basil: Well you started it
German tourist: No we didn't
Basil: Yes you did, you invaded Poland
German Tourist: Will you stop mentioning the war
Basil: Well you started it
German tourist: No we didn't
Basil: Yes you did, you invaded Poland
- SavageParrot
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by SavageParrot » Tue Jun 06, 2006 4:14 pm
We can? Great I don't have to try to seem normal anymore!
- cavalierlwt
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by cavalierlwt » Tue Jun 06, 2006 6:38 pm
I just heard a joke on tv, actually it was the ad for some movie. It's really in the (bad) spirit of this thread, so I thought I post it here:
Q. Why do they call it 'PMS'?
A. Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.
Forgive me please Mrs.B, it's so mean that it's funny.
Q. Why do they call it 'PMS'?
A. Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.
Forgive me please Mrs.B, it's so mean that it's funny.
Failing to plead
with a throat full of dust
Life falls asleep
in a fetal position.
with a throat full of dust
Life falls asleep
in a fetal position.
- SavageParrot
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- Posts: 10599
- Joined: Wed Mar 19, 2003 5:42 pm
- Location: Cheltenham, England
by SavageParrot » Tue Jun 06, 2006 6:44 pm
I don't get how female hormones are an acceptable excuse for uncontrolled violent outbursts but male hormones are not a vallid excuse for shagging your secretary. I mean either the body is ruled by the brain/conscience or its ruled by the hormones. Which is itto be ladies?
Be aware that your answer may have an effect on spousal fidelity. Especially in the event of 'hot secretary' syndrome...
Be aware that your answer may have an effect on spousal fidelity. Especially in the event of 'hot secretary' syndrome...
- Killer Mike
- RTCW Admin
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by Killer Mike » Tue Jun 06, 2006 6:50 pm
Originally posted by B
Reading that was just a reminder of what pigs men can be.
I agree full-heartedly with that B. Luckily, you and me don't worry about such discourteous actions being performed on either side.
Although recently...I am a lil' sad...I may have to have a private conversation with you sometime Ms.B.
by Chacal » Tue Jun 06, 2006 7:34 pm
I love sexist jokes and all that, but this thread didn't even make me smile once. 
Humor should be funny, otherwise it's rather pointless.
Humor should be funny, otherwise it's rather pointless.
Chacal
[SIZE="1"][color="LightBlue"]Reporter: "Mr Gandhi, what do you think of western civilization?"
Gandhi: "I think it would be a great idea."[/color][/SIZE]
[SIZE="1"][color="LightBlue"]Reporter: "Mr Gandhi, what do you think of western civilization?"
Gandhi: "I think it would be a great idea."[/color][/SIZE]
- cavalierlwt
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- Posts: 2840
- Joined: Thu Feb 13, 2003 12:54 pm
by cavalierlwt » Tue Jun 06, 2006 7:45 pm
Humor is in the eye of the beholder, chacal
Failing to plead
with a throat full of dust
Life falls asleep
in a fetal position.
with a throat full of dust
Life falls asleep
in a fetal position.
by Chacal » Tue Jun 06, 2006 8:36 pm
I guess we just have different standards.
Chacal
[SIZE="1"][color="LightBlue"]Reporter: "Mr Gandhi, what do you think of western civilization?"
Gandhi: "I think it would be a great idea."[/color][/SIZE]
[SIZE="1"][color="LightBlue"]Reporter: "Mr Gandhi, what do you think of western civilization?"
Gandhi: "I think it would be a great idea."[/color][/SIZE]
by B » Tue Jun 06, 2006 8:59 pm
I don't find it funny either. I've actually had to deal with some of that shit 1,2,5,12 and 20. and it wasn't once, it was yrs of it. Wouldn't be to funny if it was your sister or mom.
- cavalierlwt
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- Posts: 2840
- Joined: Thu Feb 13, 2003 12:54 pm
by cavalierlwt » Tue Jun 06, 2006 9:05 pm
Let's not get too emotional, they're jokes, even if bad jokes, they're not the bad people that you've had bad experiences with. If it makes any difference (and I doubt it will) they weren't posted with the intention of hurting feelings.
Failing to plead
with a throat full of dust
Life falls asleep
in a fetal position.
with a throat full of dust
Life falls asleep
in a fetal position.
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