Joke of the Day
- Aim High
Joke of the Day
by Aim High » Sat Nov 30, 2002 1:52 pm
A guy tells his wife he’s going out to buy cigarettes. But when he gets to the corner store he discovers it’s closed. So he ends up in a bar, hoping to use a vending machine to get his cigarettes. He’s there for a little while, has a few beers, and begins talking to a comely young lady who pulls up a chair beside him. Before long the beers turn to whiskeys and they end up at the young lady’s apartment having sex. The next thing he knows it’s 3 o’clock in the morning and the guy jumps out of bed screaming, "Oh my God, my wife is going to kill me! Quick, give me some talcum powder." She runs and gets the talcum powder and gives it to him. He rubs it all over his hands and leaves. When he gets home his wife is sitting up waiting for him and she is furious. "Where have you been!?!" "Well," he says, "to tell you the truth – I went into a bar, I got drunk, I picked up a girl, we went to her place and we had sex for hours."
His wife says, "Let me see your hands." He holds out his powdery hands and she says, "Liar! You’ve been bowling again haven’t you!"
His wife says, "Let me see your hands." He holds out his powdery hands and she says, "Liar! You’ve been bowling again haven’t you!"
World's most repulsive joke...
by Lord ZOG » Sat Nov 30, 2002 2:18 pm
Sensitive eyes, be warned.
How did the redneck mother know her daughter had her first period?
Answer below
Her son's dick tasted funny.
How did the redneck mother know her daughter had her first period?
Answer below
Her son's dick tasted funny.
Lord ZOG
"Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town."
"Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town."
- Aim High
by Aim High » Sat Dec 14, 2002 3:30 pm
A rabbi, a minister and a priest went for a hike one day. It was hot. They were sweating and were exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water.
Feeling refreshed, the three of them decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their “freedom.”
As they were walking nonchalantly through an open area, a group of ladies came along from town. They weren’t able to get their clothes in time, so the rabbi and the minister quickly covered their private area, while the priest covered his face as they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and they got their clothes back on, the rabbi and the minister asked the priest why he covered his face instead of his private parts.
The priest said, “I don’t know about you, but in my congregation, it is my face they would recognize”.
Feeling refreshed, the three of them decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their “freedom.”
As they were walking nonchalantly through an open area, a group of ladies came along from town. They weren’t able to get their clothes in time, so the rabbi and the minister quickly covered their private area, while the priest covered his face as they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and they got their clothes back on, the rabbi and the minister asked the priest why he covered his face instead of his private parts.
The priest said, “I don’t know about you, but in my congregation, it is my face they would recognize”.
- Cowgomoo
Doin the dishes
by Cowgomoo » Sun Dec 15, 2002 12:29 am
After saving up for months to buy a new motorcycle, a guy goes to the shop and makes a deal, the dealer tells him on his way out that if it were to ever rain and you couldnt get it in the garage, put vasaline on it. he thanked the man and went right over to his girlfriends house for dinner. this was his first time eating with her family, and she told him that the first one to speak after they were done eating had to do the dishes. after 15 min of no one speaking, the guy gets bored and decides to speed things up. he grabbs his girlfriend and starts having sex with her, not a word. he starts to panic and does her mother, still, no one talked. he heard it start to thunder and thought about his motorcycle, so he pulled out the vasaline, and the father said "all right damn it, ill do the dishes"
- Mix_1
by Mix_1 » Sun Dec 15, 2002 1:00 am
wow...you guys are are REALLY WIERD...LOL.....anyway...2 dudes in the desert...one guy has to take a piss...he walks over to a cactus and starts to piss...suddenly a rattlesnake jumps up and bites him on the pecker...the man screams in pain!!!! the rattler lets go, and falls to the ground..the man shoots the rattler in the head and kills it, then stumbles over to the other man...the other man asks what is wrong...the man says, "ive been bitten by a rattlesnake!!!"....so the other man says " i will go get the doc!"...he goes into town and finds DOC williams...he tells the doc whats wrong, and asks if he can come to his friends aid...the doc says" im busy with 2 child births, 3 cases of TB, and 1 case of pneumonia"...so the man says ok doc, what can i do...the doc says, well, you gotta suck the poison out, and your friend will live....so the man rides back to his friend, and his friend is in bad condition...then his friend asks" well, jim, what did the doc say?"...jim says...well, bad news buddy...the doctor says you gonna die....
- Aim High
by Aim High » Sun Dec 15, 2002 1:08 am
The CIA has an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing are done, there are three finalists ... two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents take one of the men behind a large metal door and hand him a gun.
“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you’ll find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her.”
The man says, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent says, “Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.” The second man is given the same instructions. He takes the gun and goes into the room. All is quiet for about five minutes. Then the man comes out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent says, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it’s the woman’s turn. She’s given the same instructions, to go in the room, shut the door, and kill her husband. She takes the gun and goes into the room. Shots are heard, one shot after another. They hear screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all is quiet. The door opens slowly and there stands the woman. She wipes the sweat from her brow. “This gun was loaded with blanks,” she says, “I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you’ll find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her.”
The man says, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent says, “Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.” The second man is given the same instructions. He takes the gun and goes into the room. All is quiet for about five minutes. Then the man comes out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent says, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it’s the woman’s turn. She’s given the same instructions, to go in the room, shut the door, and kill her husband. She takes the gun and goes into the room. Shots are heard, one shot after another. They hear screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all is quiet. The door opens slowly and there stands the woman. She wipes the sweat from her brow. “This gun was loaded with blanks,” she says, “I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
- Aim High
by Aim High » Sun Dec 15, 2002 1:11 am
A little blonde girl named Marilyn comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mom and said: "Mommy, today at school we learned how to count. All the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! That's good, isn’t it?" "Yes darling, very good." "Is that because I’m blonde?" "Yes darling, it’s because you’re blonde."
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mommy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K ! That’s good, isn’t?" "Yes darling, very good." "Is that because I’m blonde, Mommy?" "Yes darling it’s because you’re blonde."
Next day, she returns from school and cries: "Mommy, today we went swimming, and well, all the other girls are flat-chested, but look at me!" Then she proceeds to open her blouse and show her fully-developed breasts to her Mom. "Is that because I’m blonde, Mommy?"
"No darling, it’s because you’re 25."
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mommy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K ! That’s good, isn’t?" "Yes darling, very good." "Is that because I’m blonde, Mommy?" "Yes darling it’s because you’re blonde."
Next day, she returns from school and cries: "Mommy, today we went swimming, and well, all the other girls are flat-chested, but look at me!" Then she proceeds to open her blouse and show her fully-developed breasts to her Mom. "Is that because I’m blonde, Mommy?"
"No darling, it’s because you’re 25."
- Aim High
by Aim High » Sun Dec 15, 2002 1:13 am
A woman takes her doberman to the vet. The vet asks what’s the problem. The woman says, "Every time I bend over the kitchen sink to wash my hair, the dog starts humping against me."
The vet says, "No problem at all, we’ll just book an appointment to have him neutered."
"Neutered? I don’t want him neutered" says the woman, "I want you to fix his breath and I want his nails clipped!"
The vet says, "No problem at all, we’ll just book an appointment to have him neutered."
"Neutered? I don’t want him neutered" says the woman, "I want you to fix his breath and I want his nails clipped!"
- Mix_1
gross
by Mix_1 » Sun Dec 15, 2002 12:06 pm
2 old guys walking down the train tracks...one guy is Rastas, and the other Leroy..well, they've been walking for days, and days, waiting for a train to come so they can hop on..suddenly, leroy smells something..he says" Rastas, did you shit in ur pants?!?", rastas says,"no leroy, i didnt shit in my pants."...well, they walk about onther 10 miles, and leroy just cant get it out of his mind...so he asks again,"Rastas, did you shit in your pants?!?"...again rastas replies,"no leroy i didnt shit in my pants.."...well, they get another twenty miles or so, and leroy just cant take it anymore...he turns to Rastas and says" Rastas, i know you shit in your pants,dammit...ive smelled it for miles and miles!!!!"...so leroy grabs Rastas's pants and yanks them down...and ALL this shit just pours out out of 'em....horrified, leroy jumps back and asks," rastas, i thought you said you didnt shit in your pants?!!???!!!"...rastas looks sincerely at leroy and says..." i know leroy..but i thought you meant today!".........
- Mix_1
my bad
by Mix_1 » Tue Dec 17, 2002 9:02 pm
my bad...dad told it to me once...well...here is the next one...i will try to keep it not gross...
you might have heard this one...but here goes everything...
a little boy about 12 years old walks into a whorehouse and asks for the dirtiest whore they have...the woman at the desk asks,"why would you want that?"... the boy puts 200 bucks on the counter, and tells her he'd been saving for a year..been cutting grass and painting fences...but...he wants the dirtiest whore they have...she says well, ok...go up to room 23 on the 2nd floor, and she will be waiting....no details are needed because the woman reminds him of something out of the exorcist..any way, he does the deed, and the woman asks why he didnt use a condom.i have more diseases than a middle eastern cow....the boy doesnt say a word...he walks down stairs and the lady at the front desk stops him...and says " boy, why would you want to do that?"...he replies.....
well, im gonna go home and screw the babysitter...my dad will take the babysitter home, screw her, and come back home..then,tonight,my dad and my mom will screw....tomorrow the milk-man will come and screw my mom......and thats the bastard that ran over my DAMN FROG!!!!!!:beer:
you might have heard this one...but here goes everything...
a little boy about 12 years old walks into a whorehouse and asks for the dirtiest whore they have...the woman at the desk asks,"why would you want that?"... the boy puts 200 bucks on the counter, and tells her he'd been saving for a year..been cutting grass and painting fences...but...he wants the dirtiest whore they have...she says well, ok...go up to room 23 on the 2nd floor, and she will be waiting....no details are needed because the woman reminds him of something out of the exorcist..any way, he does the deed, and the woman asks why he didnt use a condom.i have more diseases than a middle eastern cow....the boy doesnt say a word...he walks down stairs and the lady at the front desk stops him...and says " boy, why would you want to do that?"...he replies.....
well, im gonna go home and screw the babysitter...my dad will take the babysitter home, screw her, and come back home..then,tonight,my dad and my mom will screw....tomorrow the milk-man will come and screw my mom......and thats the bastard that ran over my DAMN FROG!!!!!!:beer:
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