'Twas the Night Before Christmas

[Sinister]

The names mentioned herein are clanmates, so just go with me here.

Enjoy!

'Twas the Night Before Christmas
by Sinister

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the base
Not a creature was stirring, except me, guarding the place;
The stockings were hung in the mess hall with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The bastards were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of ballbutter danced in their heads;
And Panic in her 'kerchief, and Bart with his luck,
Had just settled down for a long evening ...... uhhh nap,

When out in the minefield there arose such a clatter,
I leaned in my perch to see what was the matter.
I threw up my hi-powered scope in a flash,
And scratched at a newly developing rash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a Bf-110 Wasp, with no one in the rear,

The pilot wore red, and I thought "What the Hell?",
and he was quite fat, from what I could tell.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and yelled out these names;

"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONDER and BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

I thought "Holy Shit, he's bomging the base",
and ran from my perch, it was a helluva race.
I dived in the AA, and as I started to fire,
The landing gear lowered, and the flaps tilted higher.

I knew he was landing on the airstrip out back,
So I picked up my rifle, my knife and my pack.
I ran to the mess hall and climbed to the roof,
Just as he was leaving his plane like a goof.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
I dialed in my scope and aimed at his head,
One false move now and this chump would be dead.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old fart,
So I decided I'd instead aim for his heart;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
He reached in his bag and I started to dread;

He pulled something out that I couldn't quite see,
And looked all around, then he came towards me.
I emptied my round and exploded his chest,
And he fell to the ground in a heap like the rest;

I ran over to see who it was that I'd slain,
And realized I'd killed Santa, oh my what the pain.
I picked up the toys that were scattered around,
And filled all the stockings without further sound.

I then drug the corpse to the river and threw,
And put the plane in the hanger, didn't know what to do.
I then woke up Freddie and reported my plight,
how Sin ruined Christmas for all in one night.

[Evan Profile Website]

Damn them smacktards.

[SGT DEVILDOG Profile]

This is the best Christmas take I have heard in awhile. I am not calling Santa a:tard: but????