Jokes Anyone?
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Jokes Anyone?
by Rand0m » Wed Apr 14, 2004 3:01 pm
Ok everday I go to a site (unamed) 
they have some funny jokes, I mean lol funny. I haven't seen any joke threads around, I am sure someone has done it before but theres no fresh one so enjoy!
Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them.
"Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."
Sure," they said, "You're welcome."
So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man," was the reply.
"You're joking!" was the response.
"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight.
"Here are my tools."
That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his
house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's that? Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her... He's naked as well! That bitch!" He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"
"I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth.Then the neighbor, he's a mate of mine, a bit of a lad, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes
"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.
"Just wait a moment, be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here..."
they have some funny jokes, I mean lol funny. I haven't seen any joke threads around, I am sure someone has done it before but theres no fresh one so enjoy!
Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them.
"Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."
Sure," they said, "You're welcome."
So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man," was the reply.
"You're joking!" was the response.
"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight.
"Here are my tools."
That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his
house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's that? Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her... He's naked as well! That bitch!" He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"
"I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth.Then the neighbor, he's a mate of mine, a bit of a lad, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes
"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.
"Just wait a moment, be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here..."
by Jeffro » Wed Apr 14, 2004 3:20 pm
I got this from ajokeaday.com...
Funny or not here it goes...
the CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists...
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out
with tears in his eyes." I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Funny or not here it goes...
the CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists...
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out
with tears in his eyes." I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
http://www.purevolume.com/vagabond
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by Rand0m » Thu Apr 15, 2004 7:07 pm
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant obviously knows nothing about golf, greeting him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of the identity of the golfing pro.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir," says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees," replies Tiger.
"Well, what on the good earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," says Tiger.
"Feckin Jaysus," says the Irishman, "BMW tinks of everything!"
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir," says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees," replies Tiger.
"Well, what on the good earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," says Tiger.
"Feckin Jaysus," says the Irishman, "BMW tinks of everything!"
- Camel toe joe
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by Camel toe joe » Thu Apr 15, 2004 8:55 pm
great jokes guys keep them coming 
ECGN Meet-Up 2004
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Windows XP pro | 1.6ghz Athlon XP | 2x512mb PC2700 | Radeon 9800pro 128mb | SB Audigy2 zs | Soyo Dragon Ultra
Say hello to my little friends{thanks Chacal}
Don't click here{thanks Cpl. Bingham}
by Rand0m » Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:46 am
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!
His friend looks at him and says, "It's all in the attitude, buddy. You're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the front door, storm up the steps, throw my clothes on the floor, jump naked into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'WHO'S HORNY?' and she acts like she's sound asleep every time.
His friend looks at him and says, "It's all in the attitude, buddy. You're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the front door, storm up the steps, throw my clothes on the floor, jump naked into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'WHO'S HORNY?' and she acts like she's sound asleep every time.
by Bossman » Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:51 am
Maybe we can have an admin merge this thread with
http://forums.powervs.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=280&highlight=jokes
http://forums.powervs.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=280&highlight=jokes
- Murgatroyd
by Murgatroyd » Wed Apr 21, 2004 10:06 am
A bus full of nuns falls off of a cliff, and they all die, and appear in heaven before St. Peter.
St. Peter says to the first nun, "Sister Mary, have you ever sinned?". Sister Mary nods, and says "Yes, I've touched a weiner with my left hand." So, St. Peter says "Ok sister, dip your left hand into this holy water, and you will be cleansed and you can enter heaven." So the nun dips her left hand in the water, and enters the gates of heaven.
St. Peter turns to the second nun, and says "Sister Agatha, have you ever sinned?" Sister Agatha nods slowly and says, "Yes, I've touched a weiner with both hands." So St. Peter says "Okay, just dip both hands in the holy water, and you can enter the gates of heaven." Sister Agatha dips her hands in the water, and enters heaven.
St. Peter turns to the third nun, Sister Roberta, but notices that the fourth nun, Sister Katherine is waving her hands in the air, trying to get his attention. "Yes, Sister Katherine?" he says. Sister Katherine shouts "St. Peter, please let me gargle with the holy water before Sister Roberta sticks her ass in it!"
St. Peter says to the first nun, "Sister Mary, have you ever sinned?". Sister Mary nods, and says "Yes, I've touched a weiner with my left hand." So, St. Peter says "Ok sister, dip your left hand into this holy water, and you will be cleansed and you can enter heaven." So the nun dips her left hand in the water, and enters the gates of heaven.
St. Peter turns to the second nun, and says "Sister Agatha, have you ever sinned?" Sister Agatha nods slowly and says, "Yes, I've touched a weiner with both hands." So St. Peter says "Okay, just dip both hands in the holy water, and you can enter the gates of heaven." Sister Agatha dips her hands in the water, and enters heaven.
St. Peter turns to the third nun, Sister Roberta, but notices that the fourth nun, Sister Katherine is waving her hands in the air, trying to get his attention. "Yes, Sister Katherine?" he says. Sister Katherine shouts "St. Peter, please let me gargle with the holy water before Sister Roberta sticks her ass in it!"
by Sir Loin » Wed Apr 21, 2004 10:17 am
A cowboy buys a 300,000 acre ranch in the middle of nowhere. Pretty soon he decides to drive around to see if there is anyone else living around him. Sure enough he see's a spot way out in the distance. So he drives up and catches up to the spot, which happens to be another cowboy. So both cowboys get to talking and the new land owner says to the other "hey man why dont you come over to my ranch. We're gonna have a party and there will be plenty of dancing, drinking, partying, fucking............you name it". The other cowboy say "sounds mighty nice...what do you think i otta wear for this party?" The new land owner says "Shit....it dont matter....Its only gonna be me and you."
When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
by ShipWreck » Wed Apr 21, 2004 11:05 am
guy come home from work. sees a bunch of luggage by the front door. he yells to his wife wtf are u doing? she said, shes going to vegas because she can make at least $200 for what she gives him for free. the man ran upstairs grabbed an empty luggage case and started packing his clothes. his wife ask.. what are u doing? he said "i'm going with u" . shes asked why? he said i'd like to see u live on $400 a year.. har har..
by ShipWreck » Wed Apr 21, 2004 11:20 am
http://www.joecartoon.com/pages/home/
http://www.boneland.com/movies
i find these 2 site kinnda funny
http://www.boneland.com/movies
i find these 2 site kinnda funny
- Optimus_Prime
by Optimus_Prime » Wed Apr 21, 2004 2:28 pm
A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."
"Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. Now it's up to you. You can take it orally or as a suppository!"
"Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. Now it's up to you. You can take it orally or as a suppository!"
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