Mort's joke of the week
- Twister026
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- Posts: 797
- Joined: Sat Sep 10, 2005 9:28 am
by Twister026 » Sun Oct 23, 2005 1:50 pm
ROFL ,all these jokes are so freaking funny. LOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!
by Chacal » Sun Oct 23, 2005 10:12 pm
Captain Picard to Singer repairman:
"Make it sew!"
"Make it sew!"
Chacal
[SIZE="1"][color="LightBlue"]Reporter: "Mr Gandhi, what do you think of western civilization?"
Gandhi: "I think it would be a great idea."[/color][/SIZE]
[SIZE="1"][color="LightBlue"]Reporter: "Mr Gandhi, what do you think of western civilization?"
Gandhi: "I think it would be a great idea."[/color][/SIZE]
- ||ASS||Mortimer
- Posts: 332
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2004 10:21 am
- Location: Virginia Beach,VA
by ||ASS||Mortimer » Wed Nov 09, 2005 10:35 pm
Lemme see... Okay, here's one...
There were three men in a bar. All three were sitting at the bar stool and one got up to use the bathroom. The other two men started talking. One man said, "So what's new in your life?"
The other responded, "Well I just found out my son got a promotion. He used to be a janitor at the bank and now he is an executive. On top of that there's someone special in his life. He just bought his new love a brand new Lexus."
The other man says, "My son also got a promotion and he has decided to settle down. He bought his new love a new house on the beach."
The third man comes back from the bathroom. He looked kind of upset so the other two men asked what's eating him. He responded, "I just found out that my son is gay. The good part is his lover bought him a brand new Lexus and a new house on the beach."
There were three men in a bar. All three were sitting at the bar stool and one got up to use the bathroom. The other two men started talking. One man said, "So what's new in your life?"
The other responded, "Well I just found out my son got a promotion. He used to be a janitor at the bank and now he is an executive. On top of that there's someone special in his life. He just bought his new love a brand new Lexus."
The other man says, "My son also got a promotion and he has decided to settle down. He bought his new love a new house on the beach."
The third man comes back from the bathroom. He looked kind of upset so the other two men asked what's eating him. He responded, "I just found out that my son is gay. The good part is his lover bought him a brand new Lexus and a new house on the beach."
by Rand0m » Wed Nov 09, 2005 10:59 pm
Originally posted by girl
Q: Why should men NOT be architects?
A: Because they think five inches is really eight inches.
while funny, not really true haha. if five inches were eight inches, damn I'd be a porn star
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming."
What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my nuts ."
The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
by Rand0m » Wed Nov 09, 2005 11:03 pm
Originally posted by girl
*scratches head* For some reason, women think it's funnier than men do. Oh well.
we are insecure already as it is
damn low blows..lol jk posted a joke in the other reply ^
- girl
by girl » Wed Nov 09, 2005 11:12 pm
A man walks into a bar. He sees a less-than-foot-high midget playing the piano. This guy is less than a foot tall! He walks up to the bar and asks the bartender and asks, "what's with the midget?"
The bartender sighs and says, "Okay, I'll tell you. In the ladies room, in the fifth stall to the left, there is a genie bottle in the toilet."
"A genie bottle?" The man asks, shocked.
"Yes, yes, a genie bottle. But speak clearly, the genie is rather hard of hearing."
So the man walked into the ladies room and into the fifth stall to the left. He reaches into the toilet and pulls the genie bottle out. He rubs it five times and out comes the genie!
"What would you like?" the genie asks.
"I want a million bucks!" exclaims the man.
"Done." And the genie vanishes in a poof.
The man walks out of the ladies room and sees a million ducks around the bar.
"But I asked him for a million bucks!" The man stammered.
"I told you he was hard of hearing," the bartender said. "You think I asked for a nine-inch pianist?"
The bartender sighs and says, "Okay, I'll tell you. In the ladies room, in the fifth stall to the left, there is a genie bottle in the toilet."
"A genie bottle?" The man asks, shocked.
"Yes, yes, a genie bottle. But speak clearly, the genie is rather hard of hearing."
So the man walked into the ladies room and into the fifth stall to the left. He reaches into the toilet and pulls the genie bottle out. He rubs it five times and out comes the genie!
"What would you like?" the genie asks.
"I want a million bucks!" exclaims the man.
"Done." And the genie vanishes in a poof.
The man walks out of the ladies room and sees a million ducks around the bar.
"But I asked him for a million bucks!" The man stammered.
"I told you he was hard of hearing," the bartender said. "You think I asked for a nine-inch pianist?"
- ||ASS||Mortimer
- Posts: 332
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2004 10:21 am
- Location: Virginia Beach,VA
by ||ASS||Mortimer » Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:53 am
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming."
What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my nuts ."
The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!:rotflmao:
- Darkened-past
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- Posts: 55
- Joined: Thu Dec 30, 2004 11:12 pm
- Location: New York
by Darkened-past » Thu Nov 10, 2005 4:29 pm
heres one
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off and angrily tosses it out the car window.
Driving behind the couple is a man and his 12 year old daughter. The little girl is just chatting away at her father when all of a sudden, the penis smacks against the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off.
Surprised, the daughter asks her father, 'Daddy, what was that?'
Not wanting to expose his twelve year old daughter to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies, 'It was only a bug, Honey.'
The daughter sits with a confused look on her face and after a few minutes says, 'Sure had a big penis, didn't it?'
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off and angrily tosses it out the car window.
Driving behind the couple is a man and his 12 year old daughter. The little girl is just chatting away at her father when all of a sudden, the penis smacks against the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off.
Surprised, the daughter asks her father, 'Daddy, what was that?'
Not wanting to expose his twelve year old daughter to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies, 'It was only a bug, Honey.'
The daughter sits with a confused look on her face and after a few minutes says, 'Sure had a big penis, didn't it?'
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