Man severs his own wanker

by **gowhitesox99** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 6:58 am

ahhhhh Chicago
http://www.suntimes.com/output/news/cst-nws-ouch17.html

Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.

Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.

"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.

Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further.

Smashing car windows

Fik, who lives in the 5400 block of W. Berenice, is charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property, said Officer Laura Kubiak. He told paramedics he was distraught over problems with his girlfriend in Poland, Dolan said.

Police arrived on Fik's block at 8:20 a.m. Wednesday after receiving reports he was smashing car windows, Dolan said. Fik then broke into a house down the block. A group of six or seven officers assembled in front of the house, Dolan said.

The occupants were not home, he added.

Fik was bleeding when the officers arrived and may have already cut off his organ, Dolan said.

"At that point, this guy came running out, naked, with a handful of knives . . . and started throwing knives at the police officers that were 10, 20, 30 feet away," Dolan said.

Fik threw his penis during the confrontation, too, Dolan said. He then went back into the house and re-emerged with "another handful of knives," Dolan said.

Dolan sneaked to the side of the bungalow's front steps and stunned Fik with the Taser. Fik fought back when officers went to restrain him, Dolan said.

"About 10 feet from the front porch, right on the sidewalk, was his penis," Dolan said.

Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago, said severed penises are uncommon but surgery usually works.

"As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good," Bales said.

Contributing: Annie Sweeney

eherman@suntimes.com

by **SavageParrot** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 7:09 am

Wanker is the person not the thing...

To wank is a verb. So you could say a wanker severed his own cock instead...

and also... Eugh!!

by **cavalierlwt** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 7:17 am

The irony of all this is, after he's out of the medical hospital, they'll put him in the psychiatric ward for observation......to see if he does anything crazy.

by **SavageParrot** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 7:22 am

Lmao like cutting your own wang off and using it as a projectile weapon isn't evidence enough...

by **ShipWreck** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 9:47 am

If it was Greg, I don'tthink they would have found it.

by **gowhitesox99** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 4:05 pm

yeah whatever drugs he was on, must have taken a LOT!!!!

by **Sabres** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 5:06 pm

Originally posted by ShipWreck
If it was Greg, I don'tthink they would have found it.

by **cavalierlwt** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 5:50 pm

Originally posted by SavageParrot
Lmao like cutting your own wang off and using it as a projectile weapon isn't evidence enough...

Yeah, but seriously, they always do that. 48 hours of observation, as though if he kept his shit together for 48 hours they would deem him 'OK' to release him.
We just had a case where a guy kidnapped and raped two girls. Turns out he was out on parole after only serving 9 years of twenty year sentence, for raping a 12 year old girl in 1991. The Judge who paroled him claims he didn't see any evidence that the man was a danger or likely to rape again. OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT HE RAPED A 12 YEAR OLD GIRL!!
I wonder counts as 'evidence' for these morons? Showing up to their parole hearing wearing a T-Shirt that say's 'I (heart) rape'?

by **SavageParrot** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 6:11 pm

I can see a solution. Pal up the penis slicing dude and the rapist and let nature take it's course...

by **gowhitesox99** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 6:39 pm

throw in Lorena Bobbitt

by **PraiseA||ah** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 6:47 pm

.. a dash of Hannibal Lector

by **SavageParrot** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 6:55 pm

And make them all listen to barney the dinosuars song on loop...

by **cartboy519** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 10:28 pm

Yeah and don't forget to throw in Joey Butifuco!!! LOL

Man severs his own wanker

Man severs his own wanker

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