Tue May 16, 2006 7:38 pm
ewwwwww!!!!!
Tue May 16, 2006 9:31 pm
Hey, it's Ed from 'Shaun of the Dead' !!
Woman Drivers
Fri May 26, 2006 3:01 pm
This morning on the Interstate,
I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.
As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.
Damn women drivers!!!
I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.
As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.
Damn women drivers!!!
Fri May 26, 2006 4:17 pm
Tue May 30, 2006 10:31 am
All the women in Iraq have shaved their vaginas in protest, their message is "Read our lips, no more Bush"
Wed May 31, 2006 10:11 pm
^^^ 
ITALIAN BOY CONFESSION
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.
The priest asked, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?
Yes, Father it is.
And who was the woman you were with?
I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.
Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later,so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?
I cannot say.
Was it Teresa Volpe?
I'll never tell.
Was it Nina Capeli?
I'm sorry but I cannot name! her.
Was it Cathy Piriano?
My lips are sealed.
Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?
Please, Father, I cannot tell you.
The priest sighs in frustration. You're very tightlipped, Johnny Parisi and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot attend church services for 4 months. Now you go
and behave yourself.
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over
and whispers, What'd you get?
Four months vacation and five good leads.
ITALIAN BOY CONFESSION
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.
The priest asked, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?
Yes, Father it is.
And who was the woman you were with?
I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.
Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later,so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?
I cannot say.
Was it Teresa Volpe?
I'll never tell.
Was it Nina Capeli?
I'm sorry but I cannot name! her.
Was it Cathy Piriano?
My lips are sealed.
Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?
Please, Father, I cannot tell you.
The priest sighs in frustration. You're very tightlipped, Johnny Parisi and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot attend church services for 4 months. Now you go
and behave yourself.
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over
and whispers, What'd you get?
Four months vacation and five good leads.
Wed May 31, 2006 11:02 pm
lol god thats bad and desperate.... hate tto be that kid
Thu Jun 01, 2006 8:40 am
thats a good one man, haven't heard it before.
Fri Jun 02, 2006 2:04 pm
Fri Jun 02, 2006 7:44 pm
Golfer: I dont understand it, i've moved heaven and earth to get under 100, but i still cant do it.
Cadie: Well maybe u should try moving heaven a bit more, you've already moved enough of the earth.
Q.Whats the best thing to do when your caught out in the middle of a golf course in a lightning storm.
A. Stand out in the open holding a 1 iron in the air, coz not even god himself can hit a 1 iron.
Cadie: Well maybe u should try moving heaven a bit more, you've already moved enough of the earth.
Q.Whats the best thing to do when your caught out in the middle of a golf course in a lightning storm.
A. Stand out in the open holding a 1 iron in the air, coz not even god himself can hit a 1 iron.
Mon Jun 05, 2006 10:40 pm
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office... but she
belonged to someone else...
One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said
"I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you..."
But the girl said "NO."
Johnny said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you
bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult
her boyfriend.... so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he
won't even be able to get his pants down. She agrees and accepts the
proposal.
Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to
call.
Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened...
She said "The bastard used quarters!"
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its
entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed
belonged to someone else...
One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said
"I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you..."
But the girl said "NO."
Johnny said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you
bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult
her boyfriend.... so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he
won't even be able to get his pants down. She agrees and accepts the
proposal.
Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to
call.
Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened...
She said "The bastard used quarters!"
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its
entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed
Wed Jun 14, 2006 6:21 pm
Sort of a joke but more of the truth.......
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.
A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!
Here's another......
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them
If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.
A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!
Here's another......
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them
If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world
Thu Jun 15, 2006 2:30 am