Sat Feb 17, 2007 1:44 am
Kids need to have clear boundaries, a frame, inside of which they can do what they want, outside of which they incur your wrath.
These boundaries are set by you, not them, without any kind of consultation, bartering or negociation. They will probe outward until they find the frame, which gives them direction and security. You progressively widen the frame according to the kid's age, maturity level, etc.
This is still true for teens, they will try to break the frame, they will bitch about it, but if it's too big they will feel you don't love them (i.e. you're not paying attention to them), and will stop respecting you.
These boundaries are set by you, not them, without any kind of consultation, bartering or negociation. They will probe outward until they find the frame, which gives them direction and security. You progressively widen the frame according to the kid's age, maturity level, etc.
This is still true for teens, they will try to break the frame, they will bitch about it, but if it's too big they will feel you don't love them (i.e. you're not paying attention to them), and will stop respecting you.
Sat Feb 17, 2007 2:04 pm
Originally posted by cavalierlwt
just 'what can I get away with, what's worth the risk'
I couldn't agree with you more and that mentality doesn't fly in my house. What kills me is he always gets caught, so that's when we make sure to explain consequence (punishment) is a result of his actions.
Punishment in this household can be yelling, taking away things he considers valuable, 2 spanks on the bare butt or 3 if it's a criminal offense. One thing we neva eva do is spank out of anger. I'll take a time out, I don't want him to fear us.
Sat Feb 17, 2007 3:59 pm
well said chacal.... I like the whole frame reference..
and your sig is hilarious too
and your sig is hilarious too
Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:14 pm
think of a puppy...
he must relize you make the rules
and never reward him without reason..
he must relize you make the rules
and never reward him without reason..
Mon Feb 19, 2007 7:59 pm
My friends kids have a chart. When they do something good they get a star and when they mess up they get one taken away. At the end of the day depending on how many stars they have they get a certain amount of time to watch tv or play on playstation or whatever.
I think they have pocket money on the same scale. so like if they have 20 stars they get £5 and that gets less the fewer the number of stars they have. Seems to keep the little buggers pretty well behaved. Plus it's funny to watch them furrowing their brows trying to do the math to work out if they can get away with doing whatever devious little scheme they have concocted or if it will backfire on them
I think they have pocket money on the same scale. so like if they have 20 stars they get £5 and that gets less the fewer the number of stars they have. Seems to keep the little buggers pretty well behaved. Plus it's funny to watch them furrowing their brows trying to do the math to work out if they can get away with doing whatever devious little scheme they have concocted or if it will backfire on them
Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:02 pm
Originally posted by SavageParrot
Plus it's funny to watch them furrowing their brows trying to do the math to work out if they can get away with doing whatever devious little scheme they have concocted or if it will backfire on them
