Adventures in Babysitting

Babysitting is something of a paradox really; you think you’re the one in control of

something you have no ownership over, but in reality it owns you. Let’s take a gander at

last night for example, cold and clear night had plenty of good brew and my woman’s

conked out early, man am I ready to go gaming. So I first have trouble signing on , which

turns out to be a real kicker because the bloody thing is full. So after a bit, Im on and

wouldn’t you know it; the best of the best, the crème de la crème is in full force. You had

Teams S.S. and A.S.H. and even G.F.U. all in one team and stragglers on the other. So im

thinking, ok Girls knocked out, plenty of brew, quite in house and servers at work haven’t

coughed up anything in weeks. God is definitely my co-pilot. I say to myself it is time to

be the peoples champion. I will lead this group to victory. Basically Moses with a

panzerhaust type of mentality. Someone famous once said “Life is like a box of

chocolates, you never know what one your going to get”, - (some crew cut retard). Well

Forrest was definitely right, too right. So lets get down to the real meat of my torment,

my failure to be my company’s savior its emperor of objective completion.

The Round timer ends and the carnage begins; a new recruit (name was wolf player) who

decided (very often) that setting dynamite at the bunker entrance was really going to

hamper Axis’s ability to defend its territory. To me and my new mates is was a scene of

horror, by him blocking the entrance just enough bogged down our deployment like fans

at a British Soccer match; so you can guess what followed …that screeching god

unwavering sound of chopped meat gone crazy…airstikes and lots of em.



So the back way is definitely the way to go, after doing the monotonous jog across the

sea wall and up the ladder I ran into annual Nazi Book Burning Club Social. It looked

like your annual October fest at Berlin .You can come after me w/ 2 Luits and some

panzer schmuck, and I just might make it, but 5 Luits 2 Flamers, 3 Panzers and I could

swear ol Adolph himself and Im going nowhere quick. It was like a wicked recipe from

Saddam Hussein; dash of grenades w/ sprinkling of air strikes and a good wallop of small

arms fire.

Playing Wolf since the day it came out, I have seen many things. Hell there isn’t one

thing that I have not witnessed throughout my lengthy tour of duty. Now I might deal

with Air strikes, small arms fire, BBQ flamers (who all seem to have concrete shoes) and

even hordes of medics that within seconds bring back all that I destroy. But never in my

whole experience in Virtual War, never have I been able to fathom or try to explain what

happened last night. After multiple tries to get to the stairs or ladder threw the B-52 style

carpet bombing, 3 of my mates and I were about to finally give it a go when this big

honking figure in full battledress w/ badges on his lapel that state S.S. Wehrmacht

Goomba division. This Cow obliterated my mate into hamburger. It was the most

demented dream, like Monty Python Holy Grail w/ the added Scorched Earth. After

finally making my way, guided by God himself I finally made it to the sweet nectar that

is the TPS Report on the table. Now I do drink during game play, and I don’t take drugs,

but what happened next is a 60’s hippie dream trip …except that it killed me. Hovering

over my carcass I see a medic no less, probably the Doctor Joseph Mengele himself.


So after that acid flashback I have been able to steadily get to the basement only to run

into the classic Noob mistakes like smoke grenades , and the all time favorite, stop right

in the middle of a doorway.Getting angry at 1:00 in the morning at some bloke in Little

rock Arkansas becouse he thinks shooting panzers right from our bunker doorway is the

meal ticket to success.Or the sniper 15 minutes into the round is still trying pop shots

instead of laying down our own airstrikes.

I seriously should consider using my game server as a Boot camp of sorts. A Boys and

Girls club type of atmosphere with fragmentation grenades instead of finger painting.i

can see it now Col. Bukkake yelling at some recruit at how his mother isn’t here anymore

or Elite drilling into them that no matter what they do they are still inferior.I can’t even

imagine what Cowgomoo classes would be like ..”OK fellas steady

…steady….Geronimo!!!!!!!!”.



So throw in blokes that don’t give ammo or health. Block doors and just plain lost and

you have my friends an experience in babysitting…….. In hell.Did I mention the

throwing Knives?

Nice one, very entertaining. Now that you have completed your disertation for your masters, where will you be profing at?:D

Regards, S.S. Iceman41

Awesome, dude. I think that made my day. The Cow IS pretty scary when you see him speeding down upon you! But also funny when he misses and you see him vaporized by the fall right in front of you. Definitely a sight to see!:rotflmao:

Oh, I should say I am frequently on the straggler team and I feel your pain, Osprey. Talk about a HUGE challenge!

Very nice.....Itake it you didnt find any memebers for your new clan:D

That really explains what i'm mostly thinking, sutpid panzers blocking door, people being sniper entire round and airstrikes that keep coming......and coming....and coming.....
and off course, the at back stairway

Originally posted by OSPREY
I can’t even

imagine what Cowgomoo classes would be like ..”OK fellas steady

…steady….Geronimo!!!!!!!!”.


Did I mention the

throwing Knives?

great, great, great! i was the knife dude

it's a bird, it's a plane, its...its...its a falling cow!

i feel your pain bro damn snips all day and panzer blockers:rotflmao:

damn i hate panzer too,if he miss his panzer shot,i kill him and gibb too;)

Thanks for the kind words fellas, I would have said something earlier except my phone line got knocked out on the street. So my dsl in out of commission. There were some hopefulls on my side tht night , enough to be in a clan ...who knows.I have been so busy at work lately a new clan is last thing on my mind.Im glad you all enjoyed it and who knows maybe Ill do a weekly commentary.

Please do Osprey, very entertaining.....You have the gift for gab my friend:D

Originally posted by COL.BUKKAKE
You have the gift for gab my friend:D

Jesus you make me sound like Im wearing a bra or (wire mesh crotchless panties) or something , it will be like Coffee Talk . Lets discuss no big whoop.

[quote]Originally posted by OSPREY
[B]Jesus you make me sound like Im wearing a bra or (wire mesh crotchless panties)

Man that sounds hot...send me a picture when you put that outfit on, i can see it now, your balls danglin and bouncin free as can be......

I'm getting to where I am not surprised by anything Boococky says. But I still laugh. It's nice to have a reliable resident gutter-brain (or at least an admitted one).

Hey Doug no prob, I have always tried my best to please. I think I have my priest to thank for this. I think back to the days when I was a young alter boy and what my Priest would say to me whenever I did something that pleased him. He said "If you ever tell anybody about this I will kill your mommy and daddy":D