Writing assignment
Sat Jan 24, 2004 12:32 am
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Here's a prime example offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will begin tonight. One of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted).
The Story
1st PP - Rebecca
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
2nd PP - Gary
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17...", he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
3rd PP - Rebecca
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychologically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
4th PP - Gary
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined todestroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
5th PP - Rebecca
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semiliterate adolescent.
6th PP - Gary
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent
of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm just an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
7th PP - Rebecca
Asshole.
8th PP - Gary
Bitch.
(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one.
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will begin tonight. One of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted).
The Story
1st PP - Rebecca
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
2nd PP - Gary
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17...", he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
3rd PP - Rebecca
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychologically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
4th PP - Gary
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined todestroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
5th PP - Rebecca
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semiliterate adolescent.
6th PP - Gary
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent
of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm just an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
7th PP - Rebecca
Asshole.
8th PP - Gary
Bitch.
(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one.
Sat Jan 24, 2004 12:38 am
That's freaking awesome Chacal, great post.
A+ also
A+ also
Sat Jan 24, 2004 12:40 am
I laughed, I cried, I almost wet my pants...
Sat Jan 24, 2004 1:42 am
One of the funniest ever!!!
Sat Jan 24, 2004 2:14 am
I've seen it before, but yes, that was a really good post.
Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:01 am
Whoa Chacal!!!!! I love it, humor does wonders.
A+++ Thanks.
A+++ Thanks.
Sat Jan 24, 2004 4:25 pm
Thanks, Chacal... I think that made my afternoon...
Sat Jan 24, 2004 4:33 pm
Thats awsome, and the teacher gave them an A+ too.
*edit* paragraph's 7 and 8 are my favorite
*edit*
*edit* paragraph's 7 and 8 are my favorite
*edit*
Sat Jan 24, 2004 6:28 pm
Thanks, I needed that:lol:
Sat Jan 24, 2004 6:58 pm
Good one Chacal, i have to show it to my two girls (both
are in college). they might have to one of those for their
English teacher.
are in college). they might have to one of those for their
English teacher.
Mon Jan 26, 2004 11:35 am
Damn what a great way to break up my workday....that was too funny!