Adventures in Babysitting
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- OSPREY
Adventures in Babysitting
by OSPREY » Fri Jan 03, 2003 1:53 pm
Babysitting is something of a paradox really; you think you’re the one in control of
something you have no ownership over, but in reality it owns you. Let’s take a gander at
last night for example, cold and clear night had plenty of good brew and my woman’s
conked out early, man am I ready to go gaming. So I first have trouble signing on , which
turns out to be a real kicker because the bloody thing is full. So after a bit, Im on and
wouldn’t you know it; the best of the best, the crème de la crème is in full force. You had
Teams S.S. and A.S.H. and even G.F.U. all in one team and stragglers on the other. So im
thinking, ok Girls knocked out, plenty of brew, quite in house and servers at work haven’t
coughed up anything in weeks. God is definitely my co-pilot. I say to myself it is time to
be the peoples champion. I will lead this group to victory. Basically Moses with a
panzerhaust type of mentality. Someone famous once said “Life is like a box of
chocolates, you never know what one your going to get”, - (some crew cut retard). Well
Forrest was definitely right, too right. So lets get down to the real meat of my torment,
my failure to be my company’s savior its emperor of objective completion.
The Round timer ends and the carnage begins; a new recruit (name was wolf player) who
decided (very often) that setting dynamite at the bunker entrance was really going to
hamper Axis’s ability to defend its territory. To me and my new mates is was a scene of
horror, by him blocking the entrance just enough bogged down our deployment like fans
at a British Soccer match; so you can guess what followed …that screeching god
unwavering sound of chopped meat gone crazy…airstikes and lots of em.
So the back way is definitely the way to go, after doing the monotonous jog across the
sea wall and up the ladder I ran into annual Nazi Book Burning Club Social. It looked
like your annual October fest at Berlin .You can come after me w/ 2 Luits and some
panzer schmuck, and I just might make it, but 5 Luits 2 Flamers, 3 Panzers and I could
swear ol Adolph himself and Im going nowhere quick. It was like a wicked recipe from
Saddam Hussein; dash of grenades w/ sprinkling of air strikes and a good wallop of small
arms fire.
Playing Wolf since the day it came out, I have seen many things. Hell there isn’t one
thing that I have not witnessed throughout my lengthy tour of duty. Now I might deal
with Air strikes, small arms fire, BBQ flamers (who all seem to have concrete shoes) and
even hordes of medics that within seconds bring back all that I destroy. But never in my
whole experience in Virtual War, never have I been able to fathom or try to explain what
happened last night. After multiple tries to get to the stairs or ladder threw the B-52 style
carpet bombing, 3 of my mates and I were about to finally give it a go when this big
honking figure in full battledress w/ badges on his lapel that state S.S. Wehrmacht
Goomba division. This Cow obliterated my mate into hamburger. It was the most
demented dream, like Monty Python Holy Grail w/ the added Scorched Earth. After
finally making my way, guided by God himself I finally made it to the sweet nectar that
is the TPS Report on the table. Now I do drink during game play, and I don’t take drugs,
but what happened next is a 60’s hippie dream trip …except that it killed me. Hovering
over my carcass I see a medic no less, probably the Doctor Joseph Mengele himself.
So after that acid flashback I have been able to steadily get to the basement only to run
into the classic Noob mistakes like smoke grenades , and the all time favorite, stop right
in the middle of a doorway.Getting angry at 1:00 in the morning at some bloke in Little
rock Arkansas becouse he thinks shooting panzers right from our bunker doorway is the
meal ticket to success.Or the sniper 15 minutes into the round is still trying pop shots
instead of laying down our own airstrikes.
I seriously should consider using my game server as a Boot camp of sorts. A Boys and
Girls club type of atmosphere with fragmentation grenades instead of finger painting.i
can see it now Col. Bukkake yelling at some recruit at how his mother isn’t here anymore
or Elite drilling into them that no matter what they do they are still inferior.I can’t even
imagine what Cowgomoo classes would be like ..”OK fellas steady
…steady….Geronimo!!!!!!!!”.
So throw in blokes that don’t give ammo or health. Block doors and just plain lost and
you have my friends an experience in babysitting…….. In hell.Did I mention the
throwing Knives?
something you have no ownership over, but in reality it owns you. Let’s take a gander at
last night for example, cold and clear night had plenty of good brew and my woman’s
conked out early, man am I ready to go gaming. So I first have trouble signing on , which
turns out to be a real kicker because the bloody thing is full. So after a bit, Im on and
wouldn’t you know it; the best of the best, the crème de la crème is in full force. You had
Teams S.S. and A.S.H. and even G.F.U. all in one team and stragglers on the other. So im
thinking, ok Girls knocked out, plenty of brew, quite in house and servers at work haven’t
coughed up anything in weeks. God is definitely my co-pilot. I say to myself it is time to
be the peoples champion. I will lead this group to victory. Basically Moses with a
panzerhaust type of mentality. Someone famous once said “Life is like a box of
chocolates, you never know what one your going to get”, - (some crew cut retard). Well
Forrest was definitely right, too right. So lets get down to the real meat of my torment,
my failure to be my company’s savior its emperor of objective completion.
The Round timer ends and the carnage begins; a new recruit (name was wolf player) who
decided (very often) that setting dynamite at the bunker entrance was really going to
hamper Axis’s ability to defend its territory. To me and my new mates is was a scene of
horror, by him blocking the entrance just enough bogged down our deployment like fans
at a British Soccer match; so you can guess what followed …that screeching god
unwavering sound of chopped meat gone crazy…airstikes and lots of em.
So the back way is definitely the way to go, after doing the monotonous jog across the
sea wall and up the ladder I ran into annual Nazi Book Burning Club Social. It looked
like your annual October fest at Berlin .You can come after me w/ 2 Luits and some
panzer schmuck, and I just might make it, but 5 Luits 2 Flamers, 3 Panzers and I could
swear ol Adolph himself and Im going nowhere quick. It was like a wicked recipe from
Saddam Hussein; dash of grenades w/ sprinkling of air strikes and a good wallop of small
arms fire.
Playing Wolf since the day it came out, I have seen many things. Hell there isn’t one
thing that I have not witnessed throughout my lengthy tour of duty. Now I might deal
with Air strikes, small arms fire, BBQ flamers (who all seem to have concrete shoes) and
even hordes of medics that within seconds bring back all that I destroy. But never in my
whole experience in Virtual War, never have I been able to fathom or try to explain what
happened last night. After multiple tries to get to the stairs or ladder threw the B-52 style
carpet bombing, 3 of my mates and I were about to finally give it a go when this big
honking figure in full battledress w/ badges on his lapel that state S.S. Wehrmacht
Goomba division. This Cow obliterated my mate into hamburger. It was the most
demented dream, like Monty Python Holy Grail w/ the added Scorched Earth. After
finally making my way, guided by God himself I finally made it to the sweet nectar that
is the TPS Report on the table. Now I do drink during game play, and I don’t take drugs,
but what happened next is a 60’s hippie dream trip …except that it killed me. Hovering
over my carcass I see a medic no less, probably the Doctor Joseph Mengele himself.
So after that acid flashback I have been able to steadily get to the basement only to run
into the classic Noob mistakes like smoke grenades , and the all time favorite, stop right
in the middle of a doorway.Getting angry at 1:00 in the morning at some bloke in Little
rock Arkansas becouse he thinks shooting panzers right from our bunker doorway is the
meal ticket to success.Or the sniper 15 minutes into the round is still trying pop shots
instead of laying down our own airstrikes.
I seriously should consider using my game server as a Boot camp of sorts. A Boys and
Girls club type of atmosphere with fragmentation grenades instead of finger painting.i
can see it now Col. Bukkake yelling at some recruit at how his mother isn’t here anymore
or Elite drilling into them that no matter what they do they are still inferior.I can’t even
imagine what Cowgomoo classes would be like ..”OK fellas steady
…steady….Geronimo!!!!!!!!”.
So throw in blokes that don’t give ammo or health. Block doors and just plain lost and
you have my friends an experience in babysitting…….. In hell.Did I mention the
throwing Knives?
- Doug the Unforgiven
by Doug the Unforgiven » Fri Jan 03, 2003 4:41 pm
Awesome, dude. I think that made my day. The Cow IS pretty scary when you see him speeding down upon you! But also funny when he misses and you see him vaporized by the fall right in front of you. Definitely a sight to see!:rotflmao:
Oh, I should say I am frequently on the straggler team and I feel your pain, Osprey. Talk about a HUGE challenge!
Oh, I should say I am frequently on the straggler team and I feel your pain, Osprey. Talk about a HUGE challenge!
at back stairway 
- Cowgomoo
Re: Adventures in Babysitting
by Cowgomoo » Fri Jan 03, 2003 7:05 pm
Originally posted by OSPREY
I can’t even
imagine what Cowgomoo classes would be like ..”OK fellas steady
…steady….Geronimo!!!!!!!!”.
Did I mention the
throwing Knives?
great, great, great! i was the knife dude
it's a bird, it's a plane, its...its...its a falling cow!
- OSPREY
by OSPREY » Mon Jan 06, 2003 11:38 am
Thanks for the kind words fellas, I would have said something earlier except my phone line got knocked out on the street. So my dsl in out of commission. There were some hopefulls on my side tht night , enough to be in a clan ...who knows.I have been so busy at work lately a new clan is last thing on my mind.Im glad you all enjoyed it and who knows maybe Ill do a weekly commentary. 
- COL.BUKKAKE
by COL.BUKKAKE » Mon Jan 06, 2003 6:28 pm
[quote]Originally posted by OSPREY
[B]Jesus you make me sound like Im wearing a bra or (wire mesh crotchless panties)
Man that sounds hot...send me a picture when you put that outfit on, i can see it now, your balls danglin and bouncin free as can be......
[B]Jesus you make me sound like Im wearing a bra or (wire mesh crotchless panties)
Man that sounds hot...send me a picture when you put that outfit on, i can see it now, your balls danglin and bouncin free as can be......
- COL.BUKKAKE
by COL.BUKKAKE » Mon Jan 06, 2003 7:05 pm
Hey Doug no prob, I have always tried my best to please. I think I have my priest to thank for this. I think back to the days when I was a young alter boy and what my Priest would say to me whenever I did something that pleased him. He said "If you ever tell anybody about this I will kill your mommy and daddy":D
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