Question for Older Guys

by **King** » Thu Dec 01, 2005 3:43 pm

Yo, any of you guys have a friend who has gone through a divorce and/or custody battle for kids? Since im not married and have no kids i really have no idea what to say to my friend who is going through it. I basically have said to stay positive but things just seem to get worse for him. Any advice that you guys think i could give would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

King

by **ShipWreck** » Thu Dec 01, 2005 3:51 pm

I'm an older guy. Believe it or not.. There really isn't anything you can say.. to make them feel better. All you can do is be there for him. And support him. My parents were divorced by the time I was in first grade. And one of my best friends just got a divorce. But it was sorta a different situation then your buds i'm sure. They both found someone better. Thing is it isn't going to be a smooth ride. Specially if there is kids involved. And I know us guys. If we see someone with our ex, that we still have feelings for. There gonna be a fist fight and name calling. Just tell him to hang in there. And tell him your there for him. Thats about all you can do really... Just be a friend.

by **CodeRed68** » Thu Dec 01, 2005 3:57 pm

tell him how great and stressfree his new life will be without the ball and chain(s).
j/k

seriously though,, not much you can say except be there for him. he will probably want to go out for beers now that he has all this newfound free time. My bud just got divorced after like almost 10 years and they have a couple kids. But thier split up was fairly amicable.

by **JimmyTango** » Thu Dec 01, 2005 4:01 pm

Take him out for a beer. About the best you can do. Just listen, let him talk if he needs to.

by **FLIPP** » Thu Dec 01, 2005 5:20 pm

ive went through one, and so has my best friend. now whit that said its up to him on how to do it. be nice or go for the kill.

i was nice we agreed to everything. she took what she wanted i got what i wanted. its called " dissolution" alll parties have to agree to the term. i.e. cars,house,custody,household items. its a good idea to have your own attorney and she have hers. but when i did mine we used just one. your friend will have to decide who the attorney represents. so there will have to be trust.

now if your friend hates his wife and wants to go for the kill!!
one thing is dont let up, dont let her talk you out of anything. if its over treat it as so. you cant look at it like she my wife and i love her. if it has gone this far my guess is that its over so no reson to look back or try to be nice. becasue all she will do is take advantage of him. have his attorney file for everthing. i.e. residential parent, child support, and anything else you can. the more you ask for the more you can give up and still get the main things u want. make sure your friend files for custody while the " divorce"is pending. 1st parnet to do this most of the time will get it. now getting the kids will be hard so he will need all the ammo he can get against her. i.e. drinking with her kids around,doing drugs, leaving the kids home alone. etc.

ok hope this helps you and your friend out. i hate to see any marriage end,so i would suggest marriage counseling, maybe it way past that stage i dont know. never hurts to try.

Good luck

by **Namloot** » Thu Dec 01, 2005 5:22 pm

I agree with what has been said. Just be there for him and be a good listener.

by **cavalierlwt** » Thu Dec 01, 2005 5:33 pm

My friend got divorced after about 14 years of marriage, 3 kids. He went to a marriage counselor (even when he knew that the divorce was going to happen no matter what) and she basically told him to re-make his life. Don't just push on, but use this 'crossroads' to make changes, get a hobby he always wanted to try etc. He started working out a lot, bought new clothes, took up kayacking. Basically made a life for himself apart from the life he'd been living for the last 14 years. It takes a while though. A few people told him that it would take 5 years to get his life back together, and he's at about 4 years now. I have to admit, he seems like he's really turned the corner. Got back out dating and all that. The financial part of things is rought though.

by **TiNM@N** » Thu Dec 01, 2005 8:27 pm

yea this conversation might be down the road.. but let him know that this is a second chance. Reguardless of guilty parties or fault over the failed marriage.

My best friend went through one last year.... they were only together for 7 years??... but had 2 kids and a new house. Well i got a few late night calls when she first disapeared, him distraught and lonley.

Dont ever say anything bad about the "other" If they were ever get together again.... then it might be awkward.

Let him do his own thing, push him to try new things, dont let him jump the gun and try to get into another serious relationship... ( this is what im fighting my buddy on right now)

by **Destructor** » Fri Dec 02, 2005 1:53 pm

I'm actually in the middle of my parents divorce at the moment. it's really weird being 23 and having to deal with it, cause it seems to be a lot more real for me than it would be if i were a kid. but my situation is that my dad couldn't stand being with my mom. she's doing alright, but her heart was completely broken and with my bro trying his best to avoid the situation i'm forced to be there for her whether i want to or not. luckily she has a few friends that are really close to help her through it all.

by **King** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 9:27 pm

thanks for all the info guys, my buddy is doing better and they are trying to reconcile... its a really f-ed up situation but hopefully it will work out for the best..

Keep your head up Destructor, i had the same thing happen to me a few years ago...

Question for Older Guys

Question for Older Guys

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