Mort's joke of the week

by **PraiseA||ah** » Wed Mar 08, 2006 11:02 am

http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1135160774/Big_Jugs

by **Sabres** » Wed Mar 08, 2006 3:54 pm

Originally posted by PraiseA||ah
http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1135160774/Big_Jugs

Merry Christmas!

by B » Mon Mar 13, 2006 11:51 pm

lol...

by **Destructor** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 12:04 pm

Brokeback Doctor

A rugged cowboy from Brokeback Mountain, Wyoming, goes into the doctor's
office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says, "I am not
going to beat around the bush, You have AIDS."

The cowboy tugs at his Stetson and sets his jaw and says, "Doc, what can I
do?"

The doctor says, "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage,
a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno
peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of Grapenuts cereal, and top it
off with a gallon of prune juice."

The cowboy squares his rugged shoulders and asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"

"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ass is for."

by **Ldsmith104** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 12:30 am

^^^^:rotflmao:

My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that your 54 year old body can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed - I shall be back home before midnight.
When he came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my tennis coach who, like your secretary, is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
Therefore, I will not be back before lunchtime tomorrow.

by **||ASS||Mortimer** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 10:01 am

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a
local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young,
idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major
for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks
like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't ta! ke this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking
everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and
led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several
times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and
said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact
voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

by **Alofwar** » Fri Mar 17, 2006 5:26 pm

What Steve Irwin does makes no sense at all,
He goes up to dangerous, deadly animals a nd say:

"Wow, this little guy has enough venom to kill me in a singe bite, and he looks really angry, so i'm gonna poke it with a stick"

What is he on????

by **Alofwar** » Sat Mar 18, 2006 7:41 am

Whats the favourite breakfast of the German airforce?

A:LuftWaffles

by B » Sat Mar 18, 2006 12:23 pm

by **||ASS||Mortimer** » Sat Mar 18, 2006 12:48 pm

Thats too friggin funny :rotflmao:

by **Sabres** » Sun Mar 19, 2006 9:29 am

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"

The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

by **Alofwar** » Tue May 16, 2006 4:42 pm

Q: Whats the difference between pornography and art?

A: A government grant

Q: Why do women have boobs?

A: So u got something to look at when u talk to them

by **cavalierlwt** » Tue May 16, 2006 5:02 pm

Q. What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

A. The taste.

Mort's joke of the week

hehe

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