Joke of the Day

by **COL.BUKKAKE** » Sun Jan 12, 2003 10:47 am

A guy in a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgon. "Open the fucking safe" he demands to the woman behind the desk. "but we're not a real bank" she replies "We dont have any money here, this is a sperm bank" "Dont argue, open the fuckin safe or I'll blow your head off!"
She obliges, and once she opens the safe door, the guy says "Take out a bottle and drink it." "But its full of sperm!" she replies nervously "Dont argue, just drink it"
She opens the cup and gulps it down. "take out another one and drink it too" He demands. She takes out another one and gulps that down also. Suddenly, the guy pulls off his mask and to the women's amazement it's her husband.
"There" he says " It's not that fuckin difficult is it!?!"

by **COL.BUKKAKE** » Sun Jan 12, 2003 11:22 am

A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "what can i get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob." "Well, in that case, let me give you the 7th one on the house." " No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

by **COL.BUKKAKE** » Sun Jan 12, 2003 12:34 pm

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and i want to stay fresh". The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do ou have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

by **COL.BUKKAKE** » Sun Jan 12, 2003 1:01 pm

A woman walks into the store and purchases the following:

1 samll box of detergent
3 individual servings of yogurt
2 oranges
1 stick of woman's deodorant.

She then goes to the check out line.

Cashier: Oh, you must be single.
Woman: You can tell that by what I bought?
Cashier: No, you're fucking ugly!

by **Cowgomoo** » Sun Jan 12, 2003 4:09 pm

3 guys on top of the hoover dam find a bottle, as usual, the guy rubs it just to see, and for good luck. to his amazement a genie pops out, and says i will grant one wish for each member in your group, but you must jump off the dam for it to come true. The first guy jumps off, and says "bird!"and he flys away. the second guy says "snake!" and slithers down. The third guy, while running, stumbles over a rock and yells "shit!"

heheheh

by **COL.BUKKAKE** » Sun Jan 12, 2003 4:39 pm

Q: What doesnt belong on this list: Meat,Eggs,Wife, Blowjob?

A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you cant beat a blowjob.

by **COL.BUKKAKE** » Sun Jan 12, 2003 4:51 pm

A guy is riding the bus when at a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on. The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway. "Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've evr see and I must have sex with you." She says "I'm sorry but I've given my body to God" and then leaves. Suddenly the bus driver turns around to the guy and says "I know a way you can get her in the sack." The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to confessional everyday at 3 p.m. The bus driver tells the guy his plan and the guy leaves happy knowing he's gonna get some. The next day at 3 the guy is in the booth dressed as a priest. When the nun approaches in the darkness he says "Sister, God has told me I must have sex with you." She replies " Well if God said it, we must do it.However do to my strong commitment to God I will only take it up the ass." The guy figures this isnt a problem and proceeds to have the best sex ever. After it is over he whips off his outfit and says "Suprise I'm the guy on the bus" With that the nun turns around and says "Suprise I'm the bus driver":D

by **off** » Mon Jan 13, 2003 6:29 pm

Geez Colonel, keep them coming. You should check into a gig as a touring comic.

by **COL.BUKKAKE** » Mon Jan 13, 2003 8:43 pm

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but bill indicated that he'd be too embarrased. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

"Whats wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didnt." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean what happened with the pickle slicer?"
" Oh..........she got fired too."

by **COL.BUKKAKE** » Mon Jan 13, 2003 8:53 pm

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender say, "Whats wrong with Schlitz, don't you like it?" the man says, "I hate that shit, last night i drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks." The bartender says, "You drink a case of any beer you're going to blow chunks." "You dont understand" said the man, "Chunks is my dog!"

by **COL.BUKKAKE** » Mon Jan 13, 2003 9:47 pm

Yo momma's so fat, when she bends over, we miss 2 days of sunlight.

Yo momma's so fat, she smells like bacon at 90 degrees.

Yo momma's so fat, she puts myonnaise on aspirin.

Yo momma's so fat, when she dances, she makes the band skip.

Yo momma's so fat, all the restaurants in town have signs that say:" Maximum Occupancy: 240 patrons OR Yo Momma

Yo momma's so fat, she's got smaller fat woman orbiting around her.

Yo momma's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she gets an estimate.

Yo momma's so fat, when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speedbumps.

Yo momma's so ugly, she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo momma's so ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.

Yo momma's so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"

Yo momma's so ugly, even Rice Krispies wont talk to her.

Yo momma's so ugly, that when she sits in the sand at the beach, cats try to bury her.

Yo momma's so ugly, that your father takes her to work with him, so that he doesnt have to kiss her goodbye.

by **Doug the Unforgiven** » Mon Jan 13, 2003 9:51 pm

Wow, Colonel. That whole 10 minutes of abstaining must have gotten to you. Long live the Colonel!

by **Giggles** » Tue Jan 14, 2003 4:03 pm

Very funny Col Bukkake if not a little strange, I got a new one for you that you forgot to add......

Yo momma's so fat, she had to have her ears pierced so you could watch TV.

Keep Giggling,
Giggles. :lol:

by **COL.BUKKAKE** » Wed Jan 15, 2003 1:23 pm

Hey Giggs, not bad. Heres one for ya

Yo momma's so fat, she could sell shade.

by **Giggles** » Wed Jan 15, 2003 2:10 pm

I know more naughty limericks than I do jokes, so here are two for you.....

There was a young woman from Leicester,
Who said to the man who undressed her,
If you want a good grind,
Then take me from behind,
As the front is beginning to fester.

and.....

There was a young lady from Bude,
Who walked down the street in the nude,
Col.Bukkake said "Whattum, Magnificent Bottom"
And slapped it as hard as he could.

Keep Giggling,
Giggles:lol:

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