Abbott & Costello : Computer skit

[Janlop]

> ABBOTT: Hello, Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?
> COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer.
> ABBOTT: Mac?
> COSTELLO: No, the name is Lou.
> ABBOTT: Your computer?
> COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
> ABBOTT: Mac?
> COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou.
> ABBOTT: What about Windows?
> COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?
> ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
> COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?
> ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
> COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
> ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?
> COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?
> ABBOTT: Office.
> COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
> ABBOTT: I just did.
> COSTELLO: You just did what?
> ABBOTT: Recommended something.
> COSTELLO: You recommended something?
> ABBOTT: Yes.
> COSTELLO: For my office?
> ABBOTT: Yes.
> COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
> ABBOTT: Office.
> COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.
> ABBOTT: Office for Windows.
> COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
> ABBOTT: Word.
> COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But
> what program do I load?
> ABBOTT: Word.
> COSTELLO: What word?
> ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
> COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
> ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
> COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"
> ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
> COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?
> ABBOTT: RealOne.
> COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it?
> ABBOTT: RealOne.
> COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four?
> ABBOTT: Of course.
> COSTELLO: Great! With what?
> ABBOTT: RealOne.
> COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
> ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.
> COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
> ABBOTT: The blue 1.
> COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
> ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.
> COSTELLO: What word?
> ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
> COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"
> ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
> COSTELLO: It is?
> ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
> COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?
> ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.
> COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money?
> ABBOTT: Money.
> COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
> ABBOTT: Money.
> COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
> ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
> COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?
> ABBOTT: Money.
> COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?
> ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.
> COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get?
> ABBOTT: Just one copy.
> COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?
> ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.
> COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?
> ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.
> COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?
> ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
> COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?
> ABBOTT: Money.
> COSTELLO: You sell money?
> ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free